Am I gay?

Can’t stop thinking “Am I gay?”

We get this one a lot via our unwanted thoughts article, so I thought it would be a good idea to address this issue specifically.

What I’ve been finding with the questioners so far, is that, for them at least, this is purely about paying attention to a silly thought, giving it meaning and making a big deal out of nothing. Here’s why this is so common…

We have this idea that we are normal raving heterosexuals and then for whatever reason — and there are usually a few factors that cause it, we get an idea “What if I’m gay?”

The idea shocks, and then our minds start reeling, and we fear this idea. Shock and fear rapidly cause your mind to behave in a certain way, so that you begin to see it everywhere.

So, then you start to notice the same sex, question their attractiveness, play with the “Am I gay?” idea more and more, and so it builds rapidly.

And you may try to push this idea away, fight it, hold it down, repress it and that only fuels the idea even more because you cannot tell your mind not to think about something. This is a really common pitfall that is soooo easily overcome.

What you need to do to forget something is remove meaning and attention from it — pay attention to something else, essentially ignore every thought to do with the unwanted thing, consistently, because ignoring has “don’t care” built in, and “don’t care” tells your unconscious mind “This is not important, stop telling me about this.”

Now another pitfall that’s really common is the frustration that the unwanted thought is still there. That’s a lot of meaning and attention, and you know what that does. Unwanted thoughts die away when ignored, they don’t disappear like switching off a light, so please don’t fall into that trap.

So, most of the nightmares caused by the “Am I gay?” thing are nothing whatsoever to do with the actual reality of your sexuality, which is a biological fact, but simply caused by the shock and fear of an idea which can grow by means of unwitting meaning and attention, into something that can be a massive problem.

So, if you have been a raving heterosexual, and started thinking “Am I gay?” then it’s simply a load of rubbish that you’ve trained yourself to notice everywhere. Reverse by ignoring every occurrence of every thought to do with it. See what happens.

And don’t forget to look after your whole lifestyle, because you simply cannot separate how you think from whether you are sleeping well, how many coffees you drink, how many worries you have, what you eat and so-on and so-on. Everything affects everything else.

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Michael Kinnaird is the author of Happy Guide, the result of a 20 year exploration into what works for health and happiness.

Read Chapter 1 “The Happiness Secret”
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