CheyAnne asks…

“First off, I just wanted to let you know that you’ve helped me so much with anxiety in the past. I almost never have any anxious feelings or symptoms anymore, and when I do feel them arise, I always know how to handle it. So thank you so much. You changed my life.

Lately though, I’ve been feeling rather anxious about a job interview I have coming up. I’ve been preparing for it, but my heart races just thinking about it. I really want the job I’m interviewing for, but I’m nervous I’ll panic during the interview, since I’m already feeling this anxious. Do you have any tips for staying calm during interviews? I can’t really distract myself from this one. I know mindset is important, but I don’t know how to boost my confidence for the interview.

I’ve googled tips, but I just appreciate and value your advice so much, so I’m hoping you’ll help.”

When something means a lot to you (high stakes) and you can’t control it, that is a stressful mindset. So a better mindset reduces the stakes and increases your feeling of control.

Sinead asks…

Do you have any advice on bereavement?

Tips

• Be present. “Witness” your thoughts and emotions. Grief, anger, fear… whatever it is, just watch. This brings light (awareness) to everything and stops you becoming it.
• Remove attention to get relief from the feeling of loss. Focus completely on whatever you’re currently doing. Lose yourself in a movie or book.
• Be okay with feeling okay. Don’t feel guilty about feeling better or having periods of “normality” while grieving. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love the person. It just means you’re choosing the focus of your attention.
• Minimize thinking. Now is not a good time for active thinking. Give yourself the time and space to let everything settle down. Delay important decisions until you’re feeling better.
• Help others with their grief. Being a rock for them means staying alert and present. In that state, you are much less likely to get lost in emotion yourself. Be spacious and loving and you will find your own grief easier to bear.
• Appreciate your time together. If you’d like to think about the person, focus on their life and the relationship you enjoyed with them. They wouldn’t want you to be sad.
• Take care of yourself. It’s easy to get into unhealthy habits during a period of mourning. Try to maintain a healthy lifestyle as much as you can.

Step 1)   Understand what happened

In our natural environment we faced real dangers, such as lions. The instinct to harm here is obvious — part of the “fight or flight” response. You either fight the danger or run away.

In our modern environment, we can still very easily feel stressed and “under attack,” even if it’s not in the literal sense of the word. And so, when this primitive mechanism is triggered, suddenly you have these thoughts, or instincts, to harm someone — even someone you love.

When you live in the moment, the right thoughts come at the right time and everything feels shiny and new again.

Mike