The ego is the illusion of a million thoughts I incorrectly called “me.” Ideas about yourself cannot be yourself. You are not a bunch of ideas. More about this →
“First off, I just wanted to let you know that you’ve helped me so much with anxiety in the past. I almost never have any anxious feelings or symptoms anymore, and when I do feel them arise, I always know how to handle it. So thank you so much. You changed my life.
Lately though, I’ve been feeling rather anxious about a job interview I have coming up. I’ve been preparing for it, but my heart races just thinking about it. I really want the job I’m interviewing for, but I’m nervous I’ll panic during the interview, since I’m already feeling this anxious. Do you have any tips for staying calm during interviews? I can’t really distract myself from this one. I know mindset is important, but I don’t know how to boost my confidence for the interview.
I’ve googled tips, but I just appreciate and value your advice so much, so I’m hoping you’ll help.”
When something means a lot to you (high stakes) and you can’t control it, that is a stressful mindset. So a better mindset reduces the stakes and increases your feeling of control.
Reduce stakes by reframing what this interview means to you. E.g…
“It’s great that I am really clear about what I want, and it could be this one or another one. I am just in this ’til I find it or it finds me. And I will KNOW when it’s right because it will feel right.”
Whatever gives you a feeling of empowerment. You have to find the truth for you that feels good, because the truth always feels good, not stressful. So the perfect reframe will feel good and right to you.
Now you need to focus on it until it crystallizes… clear and bright and big, so that if the old idea comes, you can easily recall the new truth and make that bigger. So if the old idea comes that is simply a trigger to refocus on the new idea.
Do all this, you can’t fail. This job or who knows what is around the corner. When you are clear, relaxed and focused it has to be — and soon.
PS Let me know how it goes. I am unconcerned about whether you get the job or not, but rather if you felt relaxed and confident in the process. That is the win. It does not matter whether you end up with this particular job or not. TRUST that the RIGHT job will happen. Isn’t that relaxing? If you make it “it has to be this” then the stress makes it less likely you will get it anyway. Ironic.
Do you have any advice on bereavement?
If you’d like to give your friends and family the gift of happiness in 2019, order five, ten or twenty Happy Guide books direct from us. Worldwide shipping is free…
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In our natural environment we faced real dangers, such as lions. The instinct to harm here is obvious — part of the “fight or flight” response. You either fight the danger or run away.
In our modern environment, we can still very easily feel stressed and “under attack,” even if it’s not in the literal sense of the word. And so, when this primitive mechanism is triggered, suddenly you have these thoughts, or instincts, to harm someone — even someone you love. Continue reading
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James & Mike
“Does social media make us happier? I’m wondering if deleting my social media accounts would help with OCD and anxiety.”
Ask yourself: “Does social media move me towards or away from health and peace of mind?” (the big causes of happiness).
If social media is a distraction, a stress, if time runs away from you and you keep missing your morning smoothies or your lunch salad, then it’s a problem.
If your Facebook time is “in its place,” if you can sign in for say 10 minutes once or twice a day, and you love interacting with your friends, then it’s a nice, positive thing.
Social media is certainly not needed for health and peace of mind, that’s for sure. But that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a problem either.
Generally speaking, it’s better to simplify your life. Removing anything extra or unnecessary is generally a good idea — certainly until you feel on top of things and back in control.
The most important thing is to focus on the book — all of it. It all matters and everything affects everything else. When you put it into practice you will feel good for no reason.
If you’re not sure there’s “room” for social media then just drop if for now. Make health and peace of mind your top priority. Get on top, feel good first, then see what you do.
Oh and there’s no need to actually delete your accounts of course, just stop using them. :-)