In short, we self-destruct because we want to feel good.
It seems a very strange thing to say but wanting to feel good is behind self destructive behavior. Feeling good is natural to us and when we don’t feel good we will do whatever it takes to feel good again.
The problem is that the quick fix we choose makes us feel even worse after the short-term high. It’s dysfunctional because it doesn’t work. Self destructive behavior only makes things worse but it’s the way we’re wired…
In nature we couldn’t fall into this trap. There are no pizza trees, no ice-cream or chocolate trees.
There are no rivers of vodka :-)
Fish out of water
In nature, what makes us feel good would most of the time, BE GOOD.
In nature, we’d learn these powerful cause-effect relationships that would be very good for our health.
Here in the modern world, self-destruction is a pit-fall we can all so easily fall into — to reach for the quick solution that will make us feel good again RIGHT NOW.
And the further down you go the harder it gets to pull yourself out because stopping your “fix” takes you from bad to worse. The effect is feeling even worse. The urge to fix your bad feelings can be incredibly strong.
And more often than not, there is a physical, chemical dependency on the fix too. Another layer, another reason why it can be so hard to turn it around.
Often the cycle continues until there is a crisis point and everything goes wrong. By that time, a lot of damage has been done to relationships, energy, health, career, self-esteem and so-on.
And of course, the whole cycle is powerfully driven by HABIT. The cause-effect of “feel bad –> fix” becomes hard wired and automatic so we need powerful tools if we’re to turn things around.
Define your healthy life with clarity and move slowly toward it, carefully managing each step and being sure not to self-medicate any temporary bad feelings with the normal fix.
It takes incredible effort and will-power at first to lift yourself out of a self-destruct cycle. And you can feel so lost it seems there’s no way out.
But with the right tools you don’t have to wait until your life is in the gutter. You can begin to turn it around right now by being smart and taking it step by step.
It’s got to be one of the hardest things for us humans to do because we have to fight against the urge to fix our bad feelings right now.
If you feel like you’re self-destructing and feel lost then please know — there is hope.
You CAN be happy again.
The solution is in achieving the best lifestyle — moving slowly and surely towards it, giving your body and mind time to adjust along the way.
Self-destruction isn’t pretty. I’ve been there. But there IS a way out.
Michael Kinnaird is the author of Happy Guide, the result of a 20 year exploration into what works for health and happiness.
Read Chapter 1 “The Happiness Secret”
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