Recently, I talked about why we self-destruct. It’s because we want to feel good.
When our lifestyles make us feel bad, we habitually turn to the quick fix. This fuels a never ending downward spiral of self destructive behavior that’s hard to stop…
One day you find life has gone pear-shaped, you’re not functioning, not coping.
And you know… big steps don’t work because by the time you’re not coping, you NEED that fix to even function…
The first step is to find STABILITY
Not change everything in one big go… but find stability. A first step to get you back to coping at least a little bit better.
It’s a step to TAKE BACK CONTROL from the vicious cycle that you KNOW is going to only get worse and worse.
And the way you take that first step is to make a PACT.
All steps involve the pact-making process. It’s a decision, a conscious decision to choose the long-term happiness over the short term fix.
You decide to pay the price… to suffer A LITTLE BIT by not allowing every single urge to have your fix, in order to move into STABILITY.
That’s the first step. A step toward the final vision of your healthy life.
And then you consolidate your step, get comfy with your new control, new stability and then move forward by making another PACT.
These PACTS should ideally be written in BLOOD!
These are serious decisions you make that you follow through on COME HELL OR HIGH WATER.
We want wins, we want self-trust and confidence in our ability to choose. We don’t want to be the victims of every little urge and whim that comes. That doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t feel right.
We want the power of “yes” or “no” and to do that we need to be clear about the rules. The rule is our PACT. Our choice… what we really want.
The first step is the hardest
And so the first step is the hardest because we’re not used to taking back control, living proactivity, denying our own urges.
But this we must do and when you do it… it gets easier and easier… the urges will drop away. Your mind will quickly learn that once you DECIDE, there is no point trying to get you to cave. The more resolute you are, the clearer you are, the more solid you are, the easier it will be.
Lack of commitment leads to DITHERING and dithering is your enemy.
It’s a process. Take a sure-fire resolute step, find stability then step again and again, giving your mind and body the time they need to adjust.
Then one day in the not too distant future you’ll find yourself in a totally different place because of your own power and choosing. A place where life is easy, life is fun, and you have energy and clear thoughts.
To stop self destructive behavior, see the finish-line and make a pact, find stability and step into your happy future.
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Michael Kinnaird is the author of Happy Guide, the result of a 20 year exploration into what works for health and happiness.
Read Chapter 1 “The Happiness Secret”
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sounds cut and dry . the typical happy life I had , self destruct ed and find myself with that happy life still there and waiting for the taking . but something is holding me back . I have a ton of self diagnosed ideas. and they all sound like Bullshit . but reading these articles online does make me happy that some people’s issues are that cut and dry to solve . so to all dealing with shit . I wish you luck . ps sorry about the occasional swear word .
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Hi John, I’m really sorry to hear you’re struggling at the moment. I can tell you with extreme clarity that the causes of happiness are the same for us all: health and peace of mind. It is hard once we get “in a hole” to make changes. But change is the *only* tricky part. Being happy and healthy, once we’re there, is pretty effortless because our new habits keep us doing all the right things.
I highly recommend reading the book (first chapter is above) to get really clear about the lifestyle to aim for. It gives you a clear vision of a happy life. Knowing the “finish line”, what you’re aiming for, is very important. I urge you to drop your own self-diagnosed ideas about what’s going to make you happy. We’ve had our head in health and happiness for over 25 years and the advice has helped literally thousands of people, no matter what situation they were starting from. Take the shortcut, read the book. I’m here if you have any questions at all.
Best wishes,
James
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Excelent piece brother, I absolutely LOVED it! Read it a few times conzecutively now, and enjoyed it more, and more each time! Thank you for this…your friend, Jacob
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