Nameless asks…
“I’m plagued by unwanted thoughts every day all the time… My brain constantly sees stories and things that never happened but they’re very vivid… like having a movie in the background with the volume way up… I’m constantly in fear of getting hurt and fear of pain. Now I’ll admit this could have to do with some events in my life but long story short I am constantly on a hair trigger to snap because I’m afraid of getting hurt… but this always ends up firing off at the wrong people… Help me.”
Weed your garden
Basic info — you’ve got a weedy garden. Actually it’s well overgrown, more like a jungle :-) The analogy of mind to garden is very accurate. Thoughts are like seeds and you unwittingly plant and nurture weeds, before long you’ve got a jungle. This is the basic problem, good to know…
The dream of ego… or nightmare
Now thinking becomes over-dominant. As children we didn’t think much, our experience was mainly of being, not thinking. But then we think more and more and are encouraged by schools and so-on. And worse, we begin to identify with all this thinking, making a self out of it. After a while, there is hardly any being left, only thinking, rapidly firing thought habits that we identify with.
Thinking as a habit — don’t go there, go here
So thinking becomes habit and habits effortlessly repeat. And the more busy our lives get, the more stressful, the more we need to think in order to sort out the mess and stay on top. Playfulness goes out the window because that is spontaneous and relies on being. So the remedy is to go back to being and make that a habit. A habit to exit habit and get back to being. Happy Guide has the simple ways to do this.
Meaning dictates response
Now the maze of madness (yes that’s what it is although it’s very “normal”) grows out of control, we get lost in all this thinking, it gets more and more confusing and we give meaning to stuff that really has no meaning. Meaning dictates how your mind responds and the greatest meaning you can give is fear…
What you fear, you notice everywhere
Fear means “danger” to your mind, and so it appears vividly in your experience, you notice it everywhere, look out for it, associate it with lots of things — sights, sounds, events.
Re-frame your fear
You can re-frame fear using logic, you look at the fear coldly, in the cold light of day and look at the facts. No one else is constantly fearing pain, that’s curious, maybe it’s dysfunctional? So, what is a better way to be? What if this fear just was not there? Would that be better? So you have a thought process that deconstructs whatever belief you have that supports the idea that you need to fear pain and get to a place where you are ready to let go. And that means being really clear about your new truth, thereby removing all meaning it has and then ignoring every thought or feeling to do with it — why would you give a second thought to something that has no meaning?
Mind is complex, but running it is simple
As I say, Happy Guide has all the tools for getting back to sanity, simple stuff actually but it’s really missing information that we could all do with learning when we’re about 5 years old. It’s basically all about returning to being, and then being able to think consciously, so that you never again get a weedy garden or confuse your self with mere thoughts.
Stay calm and carry on
If you’re on a hair-trigger, then you’re bound to be hyper-reactive but all the tools I’ve talked about will affect you positively so that you will gradually return to a natural state of relaxation, no hair-trigger. In fact you can get so masterful over your mind, that nothing disturbs your peace at all and so that you always have choice. So you become nonreactive… cool. If you think about all those cool movie heroes, that’s the quality they all have… nonreactive, always able to choose.
Everything affects everything else
Ultimately every problem has many causes because everything affects everything else. To get to happiness, to always feel good, you need to address all factors that are playing into the problem. It turns out that every problem has the same causes — not living right and not thinking right.
So, the Happy Guide way is to correct the causes of problems and put the causes of happiness in place every day, to learn to live right and to think right. That’s what’s going to get the job done, and not only will it solve this problem but will prevent other problems popping up in future.
Please leave a comment if you need more clarity :-)
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Michael Kinnaird is the author of Happy Guide, the result of a 20 year exploration into what works for health and happiness.
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Hi Mike,
I have read all you have said about thought control and I do “get it’…deconstruct, say of no importance and pay no attention. I’m living that at moment. I still seem to have to battle. I relate fully to a weedy garden. Im thinking about things that are not real more than Im thinking about real things. Im not focussed or I am focussed in a negative way with all these unhelpful thoughts………worrying about if I’ m this that or that. Flash thoughts of sucide…. Im particularly anxious and so I understand why Im battling. No need to repeat all you have said under “thought blogs” but just a word of assurance that I can over come this unquiete mind ?
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Hi Mark, yes you can overcome.
The attitude I would like you to have is absolute faith and commitment to the Happy Guide system. ALL of it. What if I could give you a glimpse of the finish line for one minute?… peace of mind, high energy, a feeling of control, and joy for life. Would you not throw yourself wholeheartedly into the program, making sure you were religious about every little detail?
If course I can’t give you that one minute sample but I can say it’s true, have faith and commit wholeheartedly.
Imagine a world without maps or TV. I go to tropical paradise on a long journey and when I get back I excitedly tell you about it, say “it’s there, this amazing place, just head in this direction and keep going.” Now that takes faith, you have to trust, throughout the whole journey, rough seas and storms may come, and you may feel you are heading nowhere. The only way you can keep going through all the storms is faith, faith that the paradise is there like I said.
And then faith is rewarded by experience, you see paradise for yourself.
Happy Guide leaves nothing out that matters. The system totally WORKS but you have to do it all, step by step if necessary but the finish line is the finish line in Happy Guide and it takes commitment. Every pitfall (and there are many) is avoided by following the system to the letter. As I’ve said before, any chronic illness needs a “human food only” approach to automatically avoid BIG potential pitfalls.
And with depression, and anxiety, it’s essential to be totally committed to living in the moment. Anxiety has such a debilitating effect over the long-term. You need to grab a hold of your attention and INSIST your attention stays where you want it. It’s very hard at first and you’ll be wise to spend every spare moment practicing by doing meditation using the listening method to get back to a peaceful mind.
Anxiety causes illogical thinking and then if we believe all that is true we can create a maze of HELL. The way out of hell is to get back to ZERO, silence. And then you start to be calm, the anxiety goes away and reason returns. And thoughts come in isolation and then there is choice, not just an endless stream of disturbing thought-habits. You have to stop your mind entering this flow, you have to RIVET your attention where you want it.
So… the six elements as good habits are the cause of peace, happiness, health. Have faith in that, and never doubt it. And then commit to putting in all in place every day. Get your lifestyle blueprint NAILED, so you are crystal clear about what to do.
You can overcome Mark. By the way, exercise is the quick antidote to anxiety. You have to understand that fear creates anxiety, creates fight or flight, creates illogical thinking, and things spiral out-of-control. You need to STOP your mind going to fearful thoughts, get your life on an even keel so that you are FREE to let go of worries. ALL WORRIES must be resolved by action, or setting them for review. Then stop your mind HABITUALLY worrying by being aware, by constantly “listening” with lots of effort for the next thought.
Then you are ANCHORED in your calm mind, thoughts come one by one, you have choice and power over attention.
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This comment is very beautiful… And you said a lot of strong things. Do you have something more to add that you may see this in 2019. I am feeling like i have lost my mind to anxiety. I am in that maze and deeply lost. I’m trying but just exhausted. Rationality seems very far away and I can’t see the reality anymore. Thank you, Mark 💕🐺
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Sorry, you the author, are Michael, not Mark.. X
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Hi Hannah I’m James, Michael’s brother and partner on Happy Guide.
I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling at the moment but I promise you there is a way through. I’ve just re-read this whole page just in case but yes our basic advice doesn’t change. :-) Without wanting to sound self-promotional, the best thing you can possibly do is read the Happy Guide book.
It’s a simple system that works to move you from where you are to happy, relaxed, feeling good and “in the moment”. The long term answer is always the same (change your overall state) but Michael also has some specific advice on anxiety that may help you in the short term here:
I hope this helps Hannah. :-)
Best wishes,
James
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