I often write about my friend who has “OCD” — obsessive compulsive disorder. Because the issues he faces are the same ones we all face.
His are just more extreme, more obsessive but they’re the same. Just two days after giving his full effort to just one simple technique he called me…
“I’m cured,” he said.
This was after months of severe anxiety states. He was shaking a lot of the time, sweating heavily at night. His thoughts were racing constantly and he couldn’t control them.
He had to stop work several times and his life was grinding to a halt as he avoided as much as he could and withdrew into his private world of pain.
The reason I’m telling you all this is to show you the amazing power of attention. The technique is simple — distraction…
Attention is where your power is. Attention is the volume control for thoughts — as I’ve told him a thousand times.
The “cure” lasted ten days. Ten days of almost complete normality with no sign of OCD. And it took only two days to go from gibbering wreck to happy and enthusiastic using only distraction. Amazing!
Old habits die hard
And his cure would have been permanent but for the fact that ten days later after burning the candle at both ends, he had some little twinges of anxiety that triggered the old way of thinking. Slowly for a further 4 days, he ramped the whole thing back up again.
Again, this has powerful lessons for all of us. “Old habits die hard” as the saying goes. After making changes, we need to be sure to bed them in well.
It’s like riding a bike
“This OCD” I tell him, “is just like riding a bike. You’ll always be able to do it. Just DON’T GET ON THE BIKE.” Unfortunately he did — despite the most severe warnings. I talk to him for hours and hours and hours. “I can’t do this without you,” he says.
The truth is that all this talking is really unnecessary in the sense that it has only one purpose. To convince him that distraction IS the answer — to explain to him that his way can never work, and to get him to commit 100% to the simple method of distraction. Once he commits; two days. He is normal after two days. Twenty years of OCD gone.
If you stick your hand in the fire… it ALWAYS burns
So… round and round we go. As I speak he’s fallen back into the old way. Now he needs me to talk him out because it’s very foggy in there. He can’t see his own way out. I hope and pray that this time he’s learned and he won’t need to stick his hand in the fire one more time to realize… IT ALWAYS BURNS!
Thoughts are… just thoughts
The lesson for you and me is that thoughts aren’t us. They are for the most part conditioned reactions that we believe in and identify with. Once you can see thoughts as just thoughts, you have the power to remove your attention from unwanted ones.
Now you have a choice — to pay attention or not. Whether it’s because you want to stop a bad habit or stop a thought loop about a girlfriend that just dumped you, the process is the same. Distract from thoughts you don’t want (ie. ignore them) and their power is gone.
The amazing power of attention
Once you know this simple process, you’ll find a thousand ways it can serve you. Someone says something hurtful? Distract. Worried about tomorrow? Distract. Craving unhealthy food? Distract.
This one simple technique ALONE can have a massive impact on your health and happiness because you always have choice. There is always a choice of where to put your attention. You can stop reacting to everything in the same old conditioned way — the way everyone else reacts — predictably.
Master the process
Now you make your decisions consciously. You are in charge — not old habits, old ways and the same old reactions. If distraction can end 20 years of misery in only 2 days, what can it do for you?
Learn and master the incredible power of attention and you’re going to get happier and happier.
It’s been 8 years I am searching for a cure. Just to tell you thank you so much, I started the attention (distraction) method and my OCD is fading away. Many thanks!!
— Jad, Canada
Update: I received this feedback from the friend I talked about in the article:
Sometimes there’s things you don’t want but it’s a reality. But I now know thinking can bring nothing but more suffering. I don’t do OCD anymore. Thanks to you. Love you brother x
— Paul Attwell, UK
Best wishes,
Michael Kinnaird
Happy Guide 
Hi Michael,
I have been suffering from this disease since my childhood. Once when I was a kid, I got thoughts regarding deaths and felt everything will go on death and my happiness will go. AFter that day I used to think that I should organize this if i want to feel good or something from my mind says “you will only feel good when you organize slippers” otherwise things will not be good. Then I used to feel some sexual thoughts about my mother that come only to disturb me or somthing that I used to avoid by convincing my mind please don’t do this or I will do this but don’t give me this thought.
Then I grew up and i didn’t remember much. Then when I was in ninth standard I was very studious, then I met a guy who told me that he forgets things due to an accident and can’t perform in studies like me. Then I used to feel that one mind is in me who is controlling me and saying “you have to do this to not forget. You are forgetting everything now as he is.” I used to remember that guy’s image and getting feeling “you forgot.”
Then I used to felt anxious. Same thing used to happen when I used to give exam. Suddenly I used to feel that one of my mind controlling and ordering me you forgot and I used to convince it “please don’t do this” and I had to convince my mind to not forget.
I used to feel as if two peoples in me are fighting.
After that i promoted to tenth standard. There I was considered studious and I aimed at cracking a competitive exam that is for searching the talent. But I felt that with that extra mind telling and redirecting to forget everything I can’t do this. So I tried controlling that mind by convincing in different different ways, pressurizing myself.
Abusing that extra person in me who does negative to me. And telling and trying to feel always that now that’s good and I will not listen to this mind. Trying to curb that negative feeling that I used to feel my mind is giving but that again used to come with lot thoughts. But I tried remaining doing my work by controlling realizing that I have to crack no matter. I had to fight a lot to concentrate. Concentration was difficult for me. I performed well in that exam. After that however there were my school exams. I couldn’t control my
concentration. I got average marks. I performed very bad according to what I used to perform and what was I expected off due to the bad concentration. Fighting convincing, trying to feel one thing etc.
Now my disease got worsened and I performed very bad in my other school exam also. I kept trying to convince and feel “things will be like this etc.” I am feeling this and not that my other mind is giving me. And constantly I used to be in 24 hrs fight. Used to roam around for hours convincing. Eat a lot irregularly anything anytime thinking. Started washing hands a lot fearing germs. Started checking if the gas knob is switched off or not again and again. Checked locks a lot whether it’s locked or not. I used to assure myself that this is correct.
And in all these activities I used to get intrusive thoughts in between and used to think “since this intrusive thought has come then only you are able to feel the lock is locked otherwise you never had.” Then I have to again convince myself no i could have done this without the intrusive thought also and tried to feel “what would have been my state if intrusive thought didn’t came and how had I convinced myself. Also trying to lock it again and stopping intrusive thought in between and convincing that I am am doing this without the thought. Then the thought again used to come and disturb me and I was in constant cycle of thought and stuck at feeling the door locked, hands washed etc.
Then I was taken to doctor by my father seeing my activities. Doctor diagnosed me with OCD and gave me medications. I started using medicines “fluvoxamine.” In college after lot of frustrations one fine day stop attending to those impulses of locking again ,washing hands again and checking my stove by overly checking one day and stressing a lot and ignoring completely whatever thought come to my mind to make them check again. I don’t check stove,wash hands or check locks anymore.
Now I have been using those medications for these 7-8 years and still have those unwanted thoughts coming and ruining me. Interfering my life. Though I became a computer engineer between all these and doing a job. But I am generally anxious, busy with my mind, not able to do things properly. There may be lot of issues regarding this thing in me I am discussing one big problem with you. Please help or advice.
The one big problem I am facing is this:
One problem that I face whenever I try to follow advice, try to avoid certain thoughts that I generally fight with my mind feeling that second person or mind will order me again. When I gets thought tries to avoid it then I feel my second mind has ordered me to do this as this thought is helpful then I think if it’s helpful, Then I feel its helpful, then I feel very anxious as i feel that “second mind” will come into picture as it is the one that identified the useful thing for me.
I will be slave of that and have to be obsessed as only this thing has resulted in something helpful that is also helpful in getting rid of OCD. So to get rid of OCD, second mind will be ordering things. Actually I feel that every situation now I will be obsessed of thinking something as second mind directs. Then I get into the fight that I would have done this thing without the second mind, I would have not thought that thing and have still felt good or I would have done this without the second mind ordering.
Then I get the fight that I should not feel that first mind second mind and feel what has happened good and then try to feel that no second mind just I did it. And I try to feel without the direction obsession How could i feel that thing.
Then I feel stuck in this thing, my mind completely engaged not able to go ahead with anything else and just stuck and even can’t get the conclusion of this two minds thing. Then I gets the intrusive thoughts or some unwanted thought. Then will feel what the hell leave everything. “We will see it later”. But now I starts feeling that these intrusive thoughts help in breaking the cycle, the stuck cycle. So they should keep coming to you. Then I will again think that how I would have done this without this intrusive thought and avoided that second mind first mind thing.
Now the situation is more complicated as you can see.and i am stuck for hours. Sometimes a situation occurs when I feel not anxious but I can’t exactly tell what is happening. I think I feel as if I am stuck in my mind and feeling nothing is happening and rather trying to place a thought in my mind or trying to convince my obsession or second mind I don’t know much and getting intrusive thought after that.
Then I think OK don’t care but when I am again going ahead feels like I should think what happened there and why I am not good there and trying to feel the whole situation again and what should have I done to prevented that situation which is heavily anxious affair.
I may or may not engage in that but if I engage and could feel something satisfactory again the same thing “It happened because I/you get through that anxious affair” and i feel anxious as if “I will have to be anxious of every situation to think that situation perfectly.” Sometimes I feel I have accused that second mind and then feeling occurs in me “How could you do that and bring that first mind/second mind thing feeling anxious” as if I aroused that second mind.
Please help. How I should get rid of all these things. One more thing while writing in the end I felt after writing up to anxious in the last line that OK that’s enough but was constantly feeling the urge that I am missing important point then I didn’t wanted to think and convincing myself it’s enough but then couldn’t convince about that missing point then felt urge to write that missing point felt little anxious
then got the thought “if aroused that second mind”. Now I am confused that I should not stop and feel something to perfectly think the situation that is causing OCD.
As I am writing all these I am getting some thoughts and forgot them but then I get the urge to think what exactly happened there so that I can write to you perfectly about and get my disease perfectly dealt with. But then I try not to think of all these and leave whatever I wrote and try to think “nothing will happen by writing all and these thing will go like this only and convince actively “its enough”.” It happens like this only”. and feel guilt, anxiousness. Then think I have written one more scenario by feeling anxious and guilt. While in all these I tried to avoid and trying to feel enough then I thought “no I will complete it” feeling forcing myself while I tried to avoid it.
I am pressurizing myself OK that’s enough and that’s done like this. Trying to feel I have written enough.
While I am about to post this I am got a feeling “I don’t need all such advice from you and don’t need posting this” but may be I am posting due to my forcing and obsessive mind feeling anxious and getting stuck no “OK I am trying this no obsessive mind in picture”. Then I again tried to get into that obsessions that “obsessive mind helps and is good”. Then I avoided the thought and tried feeling it’s not obsessive actually I need this and that’s why i am posting it. That obsessive mind feeling has nothing to do with it.
I am again trying to convince that I have not written that much due to no obsessions. Could have written good parts without obsessions also but feeling I have written this much due to obsession and any solution you give I will be using that due to obsessions and means continuous obsessions. so I have to convince myself that this much writing for solution was required and I could do it without obsessions and then again intrusive thoughts etc. I am bored of now all these.
Please help me to get rid out of this constant fights and start afresh.
Pardon my english or broken sentences.
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Hi Vaibhav,
The first thing you should do is read Happy Guide, which will put your issues in the correct context of your whole lifestyle. The mind is not separate from the body in its function but needs a healthy brain. A healthy brain relies on a good diet, sleep, exercise etc to function optimally. This applies to every chronic problem whether it is OCD or arthritis.
Happy Guide also has the specific tools you need to understand how to run your mind on a psychological level, and how to step out of the mind’s habits and reassert your control over it… to think or to stop as you choose, to be conscious.
You are trapped in believing your thoughts, and looking for meaning in them but thoughts are essentially meaningless, or rather, they have the meaning you give. This is explained in detail here…
It is understandable that you have separated disturbing aspects of your thought-habits into a separate mind, but it is probably going to be more healing for you to rapidly and consistently enter the witnessing state of awareness of thoughts, and simply decide whether any thought is worthy of meaning and more attention or not. This is a highly stable, sane and functional way to live.
The simple method of witnessing is here…
So as you follow all the tips in Happy Guide, start to look after your body and run your mind as you should do for sanity, your experience will quickly shift. Your sense of SELF will quickly shift from seeing thoughts as inherently meaningful, to seeing thoughts as simply information that is to be ignored as unhelpful, or pondered further if you choose. And as you maintain this witnessing state, rooted in a true sense of self, then your unconsciousness mind is able to function, there is space for it to give you the right thoughts at the right time. There starts to be a natural and harmonious functioning of the mind.
Being in the witnessing state is a higher state of consciousness, where old thought habits do not run on automatically. Each thought is seen in isolation and dealt with appropriately in a way that is most helpful to you. The mind identified state is very stressful in that you are searching for meaning and self in thoughts and trying to control on that level… on the level of thought. What you need to do with some urgency is step out of thinking and into awareness, the witness. That is where your true power really is, where you have the power to choose what meaning and attention is given, rather than believing the disturbance of your mind has inherent meaning.
Also, when we return to a healthy sense of self, we are in tune with feelings as being more helpful than thoughts. The thought is mere data whereas the feeling tells you the truth of what it means from the larger, bigger, you. So healthy, natural functioning is about return to a true sense of self, learning to function and trust yourself, and looking after your physical body so that the physical brain can function well. For this, we need to physical habits day-to-day that support the best long-term health and healing. That can only happen when we are in the best habits, you have to know and repeatedly do the best things for yourself physically.
Have a read of Happy Guide first of all to get a really clear total picture of what true health means, as well as having all the tools to confidently move into it.
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Your article has cured me of hocd but now I am stuck on something with what I think is worst than hocd. Now I have thoughts of being transsexual or transgendered. Of course, back in the day I never ever consider any of these thoughts. Of course, those thoughts randomly and suddenly popped up 2 days ago and my head is killing me right now. I’m at a war with a voice that is so powerful it has made me sick to my stomach right now. What helped reassured me about hocd is usually people who are truly gay knows that they were in the beginning, they just don’t suddenly think they are. I don’t know about the transsexual thing; mine happened randomly. One day out of the blue, wouldn’t a transgender person know since they were little that something was wrong instead of popping it out of the blue 20 years later? What are your thoughts? I have a feeling this is ocd all over again.
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Hi Clor91, yes I think it’s the same thing as the HOCD that went away when you stopped caring and giving it attention. It’s the MEANING part that creates all the trouble eh? “WHAT DOES THIS THOUGHT MEAN?” Am I? “Let’s investigate and care a whole lot.” And of course when you fear something, your mind runs the fear program, just the same as if you saw a lion and that is a powerfully altered state that causes the mind and body to function in a a fight or flight way which helps with lions, but not with fear about gender… it’s highly dysfunctional, as you are finding out.
That’s why the cure is so simple… if you stop caring, you stop fearing, if you stop paying attention, thoughts stop coming. And because it’s only been a couple of days, they will go very quickly. The key is to stay clear in your mind that it’s all just rubbish, don’t question it for a moment, just see it as laughable that it’s happening, because for a moment, you got confused, that’s all it was. Now consistently shrug off any thought about it as rubbish, like you did with the HOCD. And for your whole life, you now know the power of meaning and attention, so you can make sure you don’t get confused again.
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Thanks Mike , Your guidance will be great help for me.
Thanks
Atul
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You’re welcome Atul.
I have something else for you that just came to me… if you stay with the question “what is good about this?” you might come up with some surprising insights. For example, in your situation I might think…
It’s good because it shows me I am disconnected from myself, I am not secure in myself. It shows me I need to rely on my own connection to Being so that the fickle opinions of others don’t disconnect me, and so that I can see all the complex dynamics at play and use that insight to heal situations easily.
It is clearly showing me that I am allowing the fickle moods of others to cause me to feel bad. I am aligning with their opinion.
I would love it if I could
… be emotionally independent, rock solid and unwavering in who I am.
… practice the feeling of Being as my main objective so that I can rely on it and can’t be disconnected from who I am no matter what happens.
… remember that any time I feel bad it means I am disconnected from who I really am.
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Sir,
I have a OCD of repeatedly washing of my hands. Now it has increased in horrible ways & I have to wash all my clothes and belongings including purse also. I have to take bath three to four times a day. My life has become a hell and my family is very worried. As my place is a small town , no facilities or awareness is here except the public humiliation. My ocd begins when I shake hands or bumps with anyone or go to a restaurant or any public places. I am searching for help in net.
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Hi Munna,
There are three articles I’d like you to read. They will give you a complete understanding of why these things happen, and how to remove these behaviors from your life :-)
Finally, this last one was originally written in reply to someone who was experiencing fear after watching a scary movie. But in it, Mike explains how the mind works, and what happens when we react to something with fear. Very important information…
Please have a read through of all three Munna and let me know if there’s anything you need clarity on.
Best wishes,
James
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HI Mike. I am Atul. When i wake up from sleep bad memories with some persons pops up in mind. In fraction of second i traped into endless loop of bad thoughts with person. In imagination i am fighting with that person. That negative thoughts are so strong that i am not able to break that thoughts loop. How to find solution for this problem.
I have read “Happy Guide”. The Excellent book for self help. In happy guide you have mentioned that “Don’t ride on the bike”. But intensity of thoughts is so strong that in fraction of second it takes my control. If by mistake “Ride on the bike” then how to break this thought loop.
Thanks
Atul
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Hi Atul,
To let anything go, first we need to reach the point of letting go. For example, if I fear lions and it’s on my mind all day, to let that go, first I need to know there are no lions anymore OR I need to know what I intend to do if one shows up. I could also change my perception about lions if the way I think about them is dysfunctional.
So in your case, think about the outcome you want with this person… if you can’t avoid them, you might focus on some resolution where you both win, if you don’t need to see them, you might decide to simply cut off contact with them, or you might decide to wait and see what happens but give no more thought to it. Your mind won’t let you let go of something you perceive as meaningful, especially if that meaning is danger. So you need to strip it of meaning. Another way to do this is to set it for review… if you can’t think of a resolution or outcome right now, then you can say I will review it every month to see if the landscape has change. So, by DECIDING the outcome you want, your intention, you have some relief around it and then the action i.e. set for review, talk to them about your win-win idea etc becomes obvious.
NOW you are at the point of letting go, the meaning has been taken away or changed to one that feels like relief. So now it is easy to ignore because you refer to your decision about it and let it go every time it pops up.
Practice awareness all the time so you are aware of the space in which thought happens and thought appear within that space. So the quiet mind is your grounding. This is an incredibly powerful state to be in, it’s the only way you can find creative solutions to problems… to ask “what is the best outcome for all here” and to allow the unconscious mind to give you ideas and inspiration. If the ideas don’t come immediately, then let the question percolate but keep it active, keep wanting the answer in a calm and patient way and stuff will pop into your mind at unexpected times but you have to be able to receive, for this the mind needs to be quiet. For example sometimes people get ideas in the shower, because they are in that meditative flow state, receptive.
Practice this method for staying aware ALL THE TIME: https://happy.guide/2011/10/27/start-meditating
So you reach the point of letting go by deciding/creating solution, you stay aware, and you ignore thoughts you don’t want by remembering your decision and removing attention.
Get into the habit of using the listening method as soon as your eyes open in the morning. In this way, you won’t start off diving straight into problems and staying there, because of the momentum of thoughts, the mind-chatter. Aim for a quiet mind as your grounding, always. You need to make that your HOME, always returning to that sane, peaceful, whole state of mind. THEN think powerfully if you want to.
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HI Mike , Thank you for replying to me.
When i am saying about the person it can be any one ( my wife ,her family members ,my aunty ,uncle ,friends ,office colleagues ) .
when i awake up hurtful events with these people start coming in my mind. The intensity of these thoughts is so strong that it interfere with me in my daily activities.
I am rereading “Happy Guide” & going through the link you given to me.
You have written “Don’t ride on the bike”. But i am automatically get ride on the bike & not able to come out from the bike.
Thoughts is taking my Attention automatically. My question is How to break Obssesive Thoughts chain ?
Thanks
Atul
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Hi Atul,
The more stormy and disturbed the mind is, the more the need to make it quiet. A quiet mind should be your normal state, and then thoughts come in contrast to that background of quiet. Use the listening method ALL the time, every second.
Meditation is intense practice, definitely recommended in stormy seas. Get back to sanity, and that is a still mind, and come back to your senses… which means that your normal state is one of pure perception. This is Being Whole. Only in this state are you boss of your own mind.
Only from this state can you “get off the bike.” You are aware, conscious, alert. A thought comes about something hurtful. You give no meaning to it, shrug it off, and return to awareness. This is what forgiveness is. The mind runs on meaning and you see its reflection in the world. So all old stuff that comes that you choose not to perpetuate, you strip it of meaning and let it go so it doesn’t repeat. If it does come again, as very hurtful thoughts tend to, then you repeat the process, and keep telling the mind it has no meaning, or the new meaning.
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HI Mike ,Thanks for your reply.
I will go through the method you told me & get back to you for any further queries.
Thanks
Atul
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Perfect.
Happiness is our natural state when we’re not giving meaning to stuff that disconnects us from that natural state. And our state affects what happens next, how life plays out. So you see how it works.
Find a new meaning that feels good to you, and this will allow you to drop the problem. Ask yourself “what is good about this situation?” and “I would love it if… [this happens next]” then once you have a meaning and an outcome that feels good, put all your focus into having a quiet mind and when an old thought comes, remember the new ideas and return to quiet mind.
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May be its a tough moment for me to write this because i m writing and also fighting with my mind to not to write, Sir, I have completed my studies and now i am in a profession which reckoned all over globe. having a job in a reputed organisation. Having a perfect life which most of the person desires. but its not so i am continuously fighting with my mind to overcome ocd.
I am having characteristics of OCD Since last 10 years i.e almost 40% of my life period is covered with ocd. i got to know that what i am doing is termed as OCD few years back when my friend shared this with me after observing my behavior. initially it was related to rituals or compulsive behavior, but as time passed it started controlling my life for almost everything i do or think to do for example, if i think that i should give a rose to my wife to please her but than suddenly a thought comes to my mind that if i do so than something bad will happen to her than i have to drop an idea to do so to safeguard her, (also to get mental peace of mind). i check the doors almost 10 times before living, however i don’t have handwashing fobia but to check the doors, to do repetitive behavior and to be more religious and a fear of doubt or guilt is covering my mind rapidly. i know with how many courage i m writing this because a thought is still coming to my mind that i will post this something bad will happen to me but with a du courage i am writing this. please help only distraction will not help me in this. i also tried exposure response and prevention at home but didnt helped me.
Kindly suggest i have a perfect family, personal and professional life to protect.
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Dhirendra, you have a perfect family, personal and professional life :-)
Your behavior is rooted in fear, and belief in illogical thoughts. Fear of loss, fear of bad things happening, and also the belief that the conscious mind is in control, has to control. This is not true even in the smallest actions, like having a conversation… someone speaks to you, you respond, but the conscious mind does nothing but allow the response to flow from the unconscious.
What you are experiencing is the common condition really, it’s identification with thoughts, ego, and as that dysfunction plays out it can manifest in various way, OCD is one way, we can become so lost in thinking that our natural self and behavior is severely hindered.
So you believe that your wife can be hurt if you give a rose? Imagine if a friend came to you and said that. Can you see clearly it’s just not true if you look at it as if from another person? I see it is not true, but also that the thought itself is invested with the QUALITY of belief, and it is this quality of belief that you believe. In other words, the idea has belief attached, and you are trusting that quality, whereas it is fake, dysfunctional, untrue.
So the thought seems illogical, even to you I suspect, but yet it has belief attached, fear, so you are paralysed.
I will just list out what I suggest for you…
Meditation every day, depending on how much time you have it could be 5 minutes or 30 minutes, but do it every day, ideally 30 minutes. This will separate you from thoughts, from believing thoughts. It will root you in awareness of thoughts, as the witness of them, so you can see more clearly what is going on, and understand. Go here for the method…
LISTENING and FLOW. This is continuing the meditation in life… you do things as normal, but retain the awareness you achieved in meditation… so you become rooted in awareness, then you can think on purpose, thoughts pop in clear space, with space around them, not mind chatter, there is dis-identification with thoughts. I general, you are doing, but not thinking (split), just aware.
Now with each individual behavior it is good to move to the point of letting go, that is to see clearly that each habit is not serving you, is false, not true, and then you can ignore it if it repeats, because now you have a new mindset, a new belief.
Intelligence is higher than fear… you see that it is not true that your wife could be harmed, and then you do as you wish, seeing that only the belief in the thought creates the fear, the act itself does nothing, this is all in your mind. Same with the doors.
Rituals are a way to find relief from fear. The sufferer paralysed by fear, creates a way out by assuming a new belief that if a certain thing is done, then it will be protective. It works, it is good on the very surface level, but it doesn’t get to the roots of the behavior. So you end up with a situation when there is a certain balance of fear and ritual that allows relief but the dysfunction remains.
So, use intelligence, collect data, opinion to see and be sure that nothing bad will happen as a result of fearful thoughts, then you can ignore the idea of them, even though they repeat, they remain for a while, but you ignore them and take the action in spite of them anyway, because you are choosing intelligently, and now see the fear for what it truly is.
For example, you give the rose, you wife is happy, and then whenever the fear comes you shine the full light of awareness onto it and see it for what it is, a habit, a dysfunction, primitive fear, an illogical belief. Or choose not to give it but remain aware that there is fear stopping you. In other words do nothing at all to try to change the behavior but simply become aware of it, then it will drop in its own time.
As you become more and more aware, and so disidentified, then you see thoughts forming early in your mind, and you can withdraw attention from them. And in this way, they stop coming. This SEEING, is the ultimate in transformation, then you have real choice and real insight. For that, you need to have a background of silence to notice a thought forming. So as you move forward, the mind chatter stops, and thoughts appear in isolation.
This is being WHOLE minded, now attention is fully on all of you, you are whole, attention is not focused dysfunctionally on a thought fragment. This is a relaxed and highly functional state… whole, spontaneous, fearless. Just being yourself.
A good idea would be to FREEZE, STOP, as soon as fear hits, and be hyper-alert for say 5 seconds just watching, STILL, wait and see what moves, see what you do. Maybe you will check doors maybe not, but watch the whole show. At some point it will drop. You may just decide to stop doing it and watch the show of what happens mentally when you do.
So the end state is that the whole dysfunction isn’t there, and there is no awareness that it isn’t there. You move to the point of letting go using reason, logic. Then you ignore every thought about it.
Also get the the VERY ROOTS, which is ego, it is identification with thoughts, by meditation.
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SIR,
WHAT I CAN SAY? JUST THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR SUCH DESCRIPTIVE HELP. I AM GLAD TO READ ALL THIS THINGS. I WILL SURELY APPLY AND WILL GET BACK TO YOU IN ONE MONTH AFTER APPLYING LISTING, DISTRACTION AND EVERY PIECE OF ADVICE IN THIS REPLY.
JUST WISH ME LUCK
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Good luck! By the way, I feel you are looking for reassurance and protection from things outside your control. This is stressful. And it’s another dysfunctional belief — the idea that if x happens, all will be well. Ponder it to see the truth, and then stop doing it because you see it has no purpose or value.
Rather, stay in awareness and be present with whatever is happening. Then you will respond in the spontaneous and natural way. You can take action to prevent “bad things” by being proactive, there is nothing wrong in that, e.g. look after health so you don’t get sick, work so you have money and vocation, but beyond what is clear you can do, then accept what happens without reaction. Reaction means ego, conditioning, believing self to be something other than you are, and therefore defending against threats to the false beliefs. If you are just aware, then you respond authentically in the moment. If you stay aware, you’ll begin to trust that the right thoughts come at the right time. That’s a whole lot of relief. Once you are rooted in your true natural self, then really, good and bad don’t have the same meaning because YOU are always stable, grounded, independent of what is happening. And you will stop insisting things need to be a certain way or manipulating events and people to protect a false self-image.
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Imagine a child came to you and said “I want to give a sweet to my friend but I am scared that if I do something bad will happen.” In that situation I would say “there’s no need to worry, give it, it’s totally safe, and any time the idea comes, just remember I said it’s totally safe and ignore it, then if you do that, the idea will just stop coming. It’s just an untrue thought that you’re not sure whether to believe, but just trust me, it’s not true, you are safe.”
Now what happens is that TRUST replaces the fear, and then experience reinforces the idea of safety, i.e. nothing bad happens.
So, the memory of my clarity about the situation that you trust, can trump the fear. And as you keep on remembering the new truth, then the fear is appeased, satisfied.
It’s like if I lived near lions and feared them, but then someone told me “all the lions are gone, there are no lions now.” My trust in the information allows me to release the fear. Now the fear may come by habit, but all I do is remember the new truth “there are no lions” and then I can instantly find relief. It’s doesn’t take long for the fear to stop coming once experience reflects clearly the new truth.
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MOST OF THE TIME I KNEW THAT THOUGHT IS NOT REAL, BUT THE INTENSITY OF FEAR RUINED MY KNOWLEDGE BUT NOW I AM VEY MUCH CLEAR AND BE SURELY APPLY YOUR ADVICE IN MY DAILY LIFE……. THE FIRST THING I WOULD DO IS TO GIVE A ROSE TO MY WIFE……………..HAHAHAHA
THANKS SIR, I AM HAPPY
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