This is about the ongoing saga of my friend who struggles with unwanted thoughts and phobias and has been given the (I think unhelpful) label of OCD.
If you’ve not seen the original unwanted thoughts article then it might be worth checking that out first…
What’s happening as he works through his problem is that actually, his progress goes in spirals — sort of 2 steps forward, one step back type of thing.
His last setback was actually caused by just one late night. Just the lack of sleep for one night has made it more difficult to stay on top. Everything affects everything else…
Anyway, over the weeks and months, we’ve developed some very simple mental “handles” for him to use when his head is swimming and he’s got “stormy waters.”
I reckon you’ve got to keep it simple because in an anxious state, it can be so hard to hold any kind of rational thought in your head.
In a crisis you need some simple ideas to try. A simple action plan to get rid of unwanted thoughts…
Crisis solutions
- Nip it in the bud. BE QUICK. The more you dwell, the harder it’s going to get. As soon as you become aware of an unwanted thought, give it no importance (a “don’t care” attitude) and then THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. Unwanted thoughts often have a shocking sense of urgency attached. Quick diversion is essential before the thought takes hold.
- Keep it simple. It is simple. It’s not easy but it’s simple. Don’t GO THERE but don’t suppress thoughts either. You cant stop them arising but you can choose to pay attention or not. Again — THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.
- Don’t split your attention. Once you fully understand that your fear or unwanted thought is irrational, let go off it. There’s no constant danger, no need to split your attention between what’s happening now and being alert for danger. If you become aware of a split — if you’re aware of “thoughts always there in the background” then pay MORE attention to what you are doing, or something external like sounds or images or events happening NOW. Come to your SENSES — pay attention to perception, which is always NOW.
- Exercise. If you become anxious then you need to get that adrenaline out of your system asap. Go for a run or brisk walk ’til you calm down.
Longer term solutions
- Meditate. Regular meditation will mean you can deal with all the points above more effectively until you no longer get unwanted thoughts
- Make a pact. Some irrational fears may still require that you are allowed to think certain thoughts around that subject. Make a pact with yourself in advance to identify what thoughts are allowed and what thought are not. You might want to talk this through with trusted friends first. This is because you probably don’t know for sure what should be allowed if you have a phobia.
- Learn your triggers & notice cause/effect. Learn your triggers that start you off on a path of unwanted thoughts Learn how other things in your life affect your ability to stay on top — sleep, too much caffeine, poor diet and so-on. The faster you learn, you faster you’ll feel well again.
- Don’t go it alone. If it gets to the point where you feel you can’t cope alone — please GET SOME HELP. These are tricky issues and you probably need supporting through it. I’ve had the same conversation with my friend about 100 times and it takes a long time for the new ideas to “get through.” It’s tough. Get help and support.
- Sort out your lifestyle. Everything affects everything else — lack of sleep, poor diet, too much caffeine and a range of other lifestyle factors all affect your thoughts and your ability to drive your own mental car.
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Michael Kinnaird is the author of Happy Guide, the result of a 20 year exploration into what works for health and happiness.
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Hey Sam,
In order to let go, you need to see this as meaning zero to you. At the moment, you’ve got the opposite going on.
You’re viewing it as having some unknown but important meaning and worse, you’ve attached strong emotion and worry to the thoughts.
Adding strong emotion and meaning to an idea will massively ramp up the intensity and frequency of it showing up in your mind. Your unconscious mind is simply giving you what you told it was important by your REACTION.
So… see it as meaningless instead, even funny. Stop caring about it, stop caring why it showed up in your dream and stop caring if it shows up again because if it does, you’ll tell your unconscious mind again that you don’t care (by your attitude) and distract away.
The clearer you are, and the more consistent you are with the new attitude and the new behavior, that faster it will go away.
What you want is to FORGET and to achieve that you need to remove importance and attention.
“No importance, distract” every time, without fail. The frequency and intensity will die away until soon enough you will forget about it.
Mike
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Hi Mike,
I got this problem that is kind of weird. Its really stupid when you think about it, but the thought just wont leave me alone. A couple of nights ago, I had this really weird and unpleasant dream involving my dad in a sexual kind of thing. There is no real image, but just the thought of my dad in that light is sickening and plaguing my mind. I can’t get it out! ive tried to ignore it, but it wont go away. I’m really scared that it is going to intrude when im with friends or whatever because ive been thinking that that could happen. I’m not sure if this applies to your article completely, but Its definitely an unwanted thought. Please help me!
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Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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You’re most welcome Meagan, thanks for the thanks and good luck getting rid of those pesky unwanted thoughts! :-)
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my brother were become mad on the time when we went theire to handle him..infact instead of handling him i got some attacked of unwanted thoughts suddenly like stress..& the thougth iz like “why we all forgots everythings after did, like when we conversation & introduction with any person its forgot soon .and than why every one trying to make their name and personality while forgetting after some days.day by day becoming combining thoughts ,at the end i become fully obsessed & depressed.. bla bla bla!!.even i think sometimes that iam died infact knowing that iam not died iam alive..but cannot stop that thoughs comming on my mind..
iz thse are thoughts are belong to superstition,ocd,unwanted thoughts,panic attack,obsession ???.
sorry my eng lang iz nt good att all but i hoped you peoples must understood my statement & expression..plzz help
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Hi abid,
Sounds like you have too much adrenalin. Best to exercise it away — run, swim, whatever you can do. When calm again, remove attention from unwanted thoughts as quickly as possible. Learn to meditate which will improve your ability to put your attention where you want it.
Mike
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Thank you to Jesus, info very helpful I learned to not think of thought at all and give attention to what I am doing and not to give thought any attention.
The lord led me here
Have a good day!
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