“I am struggling at the moment. I’m having trouble with controlling my thoughts. I’ve developed a habit of thinking negatively which is so unlike me but I can’t seem to stop.
And I’m starting to feel that I am projecting negative energy even though I am trying so hard to stay positive. And we all know negative energy just attracts more negative energy. I’m not a positive affirmations sort of girl so I’ve only tried them half heartedly: the negative voice in my head just shouts them down.
I think the main problem is that I feel incredibly lonely, even though I have wonderful friends and family who I know are there for me. I don’t have a partner at the moment and haven’t for a couple of years and I’m at that stage where everyone else around me seems to be moving forward: buying houses, getting married, having babies while I feel like I’m in some sort of holding pattern.
I feel unfulfilled and like I’m drifting through life without a purpose. At the end of the day isn’t loving someone and being loved what life is all about?”
“Negative energy attracts more negative energy” — it’s great you’ve got that clarity, we can work with that.
First of all I’d say “Stay focused on your lifestyle” and getting the six lifestyle elements bedded in as good habits so you’re flying along.
A happy body makes for a happy mood and when your biochemistry is in the fantastic to utterly amazing range, it’s hard to feel bad! :-)
Love and be loved yes, and the more you are in your “YOU” space, the closer you are to love and the more you love everybody and everything. And with love being the ultimate in good feelings, that’s going to attract awesome stuff to you. So where to go from here…
Keep doing the good stuff in terms of lifestyle as I said and now work on your mind.
Stay in the moment and keep coming back to “YOU,” your center over and over and over ’til it’s your default place… the place you always come back to… “no-mind.”
Do this by going into “listening” mode at all the “inbetween moments.” Whenever there is a gap or pause or between activities, stop, return to you and stay in this alert listening place as much as possible.
Do it as a meditation each day too, to get max benefits and speed things along.
Now… your DESIRE.
You need to shift your desire to pure positivity. Bless your friends for showing you more clarity about what you want. Look at what you envy about them and imagine “It would be wonderful to have that.”
That is a pure positive feeling. No sense of LACK.
At the moment you are focused on not having what you want and that is creating negativity in you.
“For to those who have, more will be given, and they will have an abundance; but from those who have nothing, even what they have will be taken away.”
So… what to do.
Focus PURELY on the outcome. This is tough at first because negativity becomes a habit as all things do but begin to turn it around. Ponder the end-state you want. Think the thoughts and feel the feelings that feel good as a result of the thinking.
Think NOTHING or think happy :-)
If you are being negative then simply notice “There is negativity in me.”
What you resist persists, what you LOOK AT disappears.
Give it a good dose of looking at then distract back to what you were doing, giving the unwanted thing the cold shoulder. Be indifferent, give no importance and distract. Recall your ever clearer thought-feeling about what you want in pure form.
So… acceptance of where you are… no resistance and put a little energy behind CREATION of what you’d like next as a fun thing to do. Not brow beating, not sadness that it isn’t here… just a fun creation.
And as you work on biochemisty, on pure thoughts, on no-mind and love, your positivity will flourish and the new positive vibe will attract more positive energy in the same way the negative stuff does.
OK Jane… lemme know if this is ultra clear for you now. If not, we can thrash it out until it is.
It’s all in Happy Guide by the way… all the stuff I’m talking about here is in there. Reading it a little bit each day is a fantastic way to get a daily dose of inspiration and gain clarity of how it all works and what to do.
All the best and keep me in the loop,
Oh I forgot… I wanted to say… affirmations are great for installing new beliefs, not so good for changing your state.
Michael Kinnaird is the author of Happy Guide, the result of a 20 year exploration into what works for health and happiness.
Read Chapter 1 “The Happiness Secret”
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