I often write about my friend who has “OCD” — obsessive compulsive disorder. Because the issues he faces are the same ones we all face.
His are just more extreme, more obsessive but they’re the same. Just two days after giving his full effort to just one simple technique he called me…
“I’m cured,” he said.
This was after months of severe anxiety states. He was shaking a lot of the time, sweating heavily at night. His thoughts were racing constantly and he couldn’t control them.
He had to stop work several times and his life was grinding to a halt as he avoided as much as he could and withdrew into his private world of pain.
The reason I’m telling you all this is to show you the amazing power of attention. The technique is simple — distraction…
Attention is where your power is. Attention is the volume control for thoughts — as I’ve told him a thousand times.
The “cure” lasted ten days. Ten days of almost complete normality with no sign of OCD. And it took only two days to go from gibbering wreck to happy and enthusiastic using only distraction. Amazing!
Old habits die hard
And his cure would have been permanent but for the fact that ten days later after burning the candle at both ends, he had some little twinges of anxiety that triggered the old way of thinking. Slowly for a further 4 days, he ramped the whole thing back up again.
Again, this has powerful lessons for all of us. “Old habits die hard” as the saying goes. After making changes, we need to be sure to bed them in well.
It’s like riding a bike
“This OCD” I tell him, “is just like riding a bike. You’ll always be able to do it. Just DON’T GET ON THE BIKE.” Unfortunately he did — despite the most severe warnings. I talk to him for hours and hours and hours. “I can’t do this without you,” he says.
The truth is that all this talking is really unnecessary in the sense that it has only one purpose. To convince him that distraction IS the answer — to explain to him that his way can never work, and to get him to commit 100% to the simple method of distraction. Once he commits; two days. He is normal after two days. Twenty years of OCD gone.
If you stick your hand in the fire… it ALWAYS burns
So… round and round we go. As I speak he’s fallen back into the old way. Now he needs me to talk him out because it’s very foggy in there. He can’t see his own way out. I hope and pray that this time he’s learned and he won’t need to stick his hand in the fire one more time to realize… IT ALWAYS BURNS!
Thoughts are… just thoughts
The lesson for you and me is that thoughts aren’t us. They are for the most part conditioned reactions that we believe in and identify with. Once you can see thoughts as just thoughts, you have the power to remove your attention from unwanted ones.
Now you have a choice — to pay attention or not. Whether it’s because you want to stop a bad habit or stop a thought loop about a girlfriend that just dumped you, the process is the same. Distract from thoughts you don’t want (ie. ignore them) and their power is gone.
The amazing power of attention
Once you know this simple process, you’ll find a thousand ways it can serve you. Someone says something hurtful? Distract. Worried about tomorrow? Distract. Craving unhealthy food? Distract.
This one simple technique ALONE can have a massive impact on your health and happiness because you always have choice. There is always a choice of where to put your attention. You can stop reacting to everything in the same old conditioned way — the way everyone else reacts — predictably.
Master the process
Now you make your decisions consciously. You are in charge — not old habits, old ways and the same old reactions. If distraction can end 20 years of misery in only 2 days, what can it do for you?
Learn and master the incredible power of attention and you’re going to get happier and happier.
It’s been 8 years I am searching for a cure. Just to tell you thank you so much, I started the attention (distraction) method and my OCD is fading away. Many thanks!!
— Jad, Canada
Update: I received this feedback from the friend I talked about in the article:
Sometimes there’s things you don’t want but it’s a reality. But I now know thinking can bring nothing but more suffering. I don’t do OCD anymore. Thanks to you. Love you brother x
— Paul Attwell, UK
Best wishes,
Michael Kinnaird
Happy Guide 
Hi Michael, I’m curious to know if you’ve heard about/read the book called “Release The White Bear” by Bradley Thompson? It also goes into how to stop unwanted thoughts for good, but I suspect it’s much like what you talk about with the pink elephant in Happy Guide. I’ve also read on forums pertaining to OCD that another way to treat OCD is through EX/RP (Exposure and Ritual Prevention). The logic behind this method is to eliminate all fear through the use of exposure (confrontation, if you will), and stopping mental/physical rituals that only serve as temporary relief. But again, Happy Guide addresses this also. For example, I know that my unwanted thoughts are completely meaningless and nonsensical, and thus I have nothing to fear whatsoever. Being indifferent to these thoughts shows that I’m not afraid because they have absolutely no bearing on me (nothing happens). I’d say that fits under the “Exposure” treatment – realizing that there’s nothing to worry about. And once the fear is gone, the mental/physical rituals stop as well (there’s no reason to seek relief – everything is fine).
It’s funny how the simplest remedies to a problem are translated into a science by so-called experts. Sometimes, there’s no reason to complicate things when the solution is so simple and natural.
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Hiya, exposure can be part of letting go of OCD, but the main thing is to remove meaning and attention. So, often, a very long chat about the whole dysfunction will help the person to see clearly how the whole thing perpetuates and is rooted in thinking incorrectly, primitive ways in which the mind works, especially with fear etc.
I say don’t expose to a stress which triggers fear and OCD until a WIN is likely. So as we move into changing perceptions of thoughts, releasing fear around it and so on, a time comes when a person actually feels able to be in a situation which previously would have create fear and anxiety. That is the time to do it.
A similar thing with rituals… first show the person the ritual does nothing in reality, it’s a mechanism for finding relief, a belief in something, that if performed, will prevent something bad happening. It does work, even though it’s clearly illogical. So, can we get a WIN by stopping the ritual? Yes, after a person sees the whole dysfunction, and uses intellect in various ways to deconstruct the whole dysfunction, then we are ready to stop ritual. That point will come at various times depending on the individual case.
So, the most effective strategy, is logic… see clearly how the OCD is dysfunctional, then break the cycle by removing attention, we have already removed meaning via logic. Then exposure can happen, dropping ritual can happen but I say don’t force it, don’t try it without a likely WIN, we want to go forward not backwards.
Once a person sees clearly, the ritual can drop by itself. Once the anxiety is gone, meaning is reframed, then the ritual is unnecessary and would seem silly to do, as it does to someone outside of the whole dysfunction looking in.
Often, these behaviors are not part of OCD, what people sometimes call “pure O,” Like in your case I think, it’s all based in belief, fear, mind-chatter, primitive reactions to fear, anxiety etc.
Happy Guide is about removing all causes that feed into almost every problem out there. As you mentioned earlier, nutrition is a big factor in how the mind works, a much misunderstood thing… just how important nutrition is. Biochemistry is complex, but the things we need to do are simple, but we need to be clear about what those simple things are. For example eating oily fish a few times a week is massive… provision of long-chain omega and providing one side of the balance between omega-3 and -6. The fats are the precursors of powerful hormones in the body, master hormones called eicosanoids. B12 we know is needed for myelin sheath to protect nerves. So it all matters. The Happy Guide approach is to correct all factors.
Each factor plays it’s part, nutrition, meditation, sleep, organization, relaxation, waking up to light, many factors which gives a synergistic total transformation and auto-correct all problems.
You experienced the power of just listening to thoughts, simple things with powerful outcomes and we we add it all together…. !!! Happiness :-)
While I’m writing I will touch on something Teddy said earlier, that psychologists and psychiatrists say OCD can’t be cured… they do say that, and what they are saying is “our ways don’t work” !!! Of course not, for MANY reasons… do they teach meditation, do they correct nutrition, do they explain the whole dysfunction and use logic to deconstruct belief and fear? Yes, OCD CAN be easily cured, IF all the causes are addressed. Often, as in your case, the causes are ALL mind-stuff, but this can never be 100% relied on. Even food intolerances can have a severe detrimental effect on the mind, so as always, it’s a multi-pronged strategy. Medicine is split into specialities… a way that is inherently NOT holistic.
AND, to tell a patient that what they have cannot be cured is just not helping. Remove all hope? Seriously? And you are a psychologist? Hmmm. 20 years of meditation is a good grounding for understanding psychology, textbooks? I think not, in my experience, psychology as currently practiced is ineffective which is why OCD forums etc exist, they represent a failure of medicine to deal with the issues, as is the case with all chronic illnesses.
I haven’t read the book you mentioned, no :-)
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Completely agreed on the “don’t expose to a stress which triggers fear and OCD until a WIN is likely” part. It’s important to build that confidence first. Then, the person can undergo exposure treatment. I used to perform mental rituals, until I realized they were silly and not doing anything (through the use of logic and intellect, as you said). When you say “pure O”, do you mean pure obsession? That’s essentially what happened to me initially. Constant thought and worry; looking for meaning in all of the nonsense. It was mentally exhausting.
Yes, I now truly understand how several factors play a role in our overall health. And it’s all thanks to Happy Guide. Admittedly, there was a time when I was completely ignorant of some of these things, but it makes a lot of sense. Indeed, medicine doesn’t address the root of the problem. It only alleviates/mitigates it; we want to eliminate problems altogether. This is a serious issue in modern healthcare.
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Pure O, yes, obsession. Looking for meaning is probably the main reason why people get in a mess. Something happens, could be a trauma, or just a random thought, and people go looking for meaning. And because attention is the volume control for thoughts, it can start an avalanche, harder and harder to control. Exhausting yes, trying to solve it by unravelling all that complexity and confusion, while actually making it all worse. The trap is set because our minds naturally give MORE attention to problems… because in nature, our problems were more often stuff where more attention helps.
We need these simple truth embedded into our culture, as the first things taught. So easy to go astray, with terrible consequences as a result of lack of simple knowledge.
Yes, modern “healthcare” is an utter failure in any chronic disease, in fact they make it worse, by delaying, by masking, by misinformation, by their power structures that disempower. Don’t get me started :-)
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There are some fundamental problems in our society… one of those is that the correct solutions, as you point out, make experts redundant, so then how are they to make a living? Their very livelihood depends on it being complex. And so the forces at work will unconsciously create complexity, confusion, in order to maintain the status quo.
If a doctor was to get all his community healthy, he puts himself out of a job, as does the dentist and the psychologist. The fact is the system does not reward competence, it rewards subversion, elitism, confusion, scamming. No expert wants you to heal yourself. And often the solutions offered keep you trapped, perhaps temporarily relieved of symptoms but without addressing causes so you keep paying for drugs that never work, and actually make the problem worse over the long term.
Much of what passes for medicine is nothing short of a scam. One has to wonder… when eating fish has a greater success than statins, why it isn’t illegal to give these drugs? And yet we are in a situation where people are mass-medicated. The roots of this insanity lie in society’s systems, where each person is solely responsible for earning a living. The best scam is the one nobody even questions, presented as help, backed by science (funded by drug companies).
I remember a great quote by a cancer researcher. He said “I was amazed to discover that although cancer researchers want a cure, they do not want a cure that cannot be made into a patentable drug.” The powers that be are powerful indeed, and their goals are not health, they are profit.
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And this is why there’s the saying, “money is the root of all evil”. It’s so true. Humanity and integrity are thrown out the window as a result.
As for my condition, I’d say that I’m at about 95% now. Almost there, guys :).
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Money itself is not evil, but the pursuit of money caused by the system in which we live. I totally agree about humanity and integrity, the system brings out the worst, dog-eat-eat, instead of aligning with the best of human nature, our desire to contribute and help.
95%, rock on!
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Mike I need your help ASAP.
So I was texting my girlfriend tonight as things were going better. But she is too nervous to make out with me at the moment. Ah, we are young, and I am patient. But when I was trying to make her less nervous, she said “But what I love is just talking to you. Ik we can’t just talk forever and that’s why I’ve been trying to force hu upon myself ” and that immediately made me freak out thinking she doesn’t think I am physically attractive, and only like me because of my mental attractiveness, not bc of my physical attractiveness. This made me jump to the conclusion that why she doesn’t want to make out with me is because she doesn’t want to make out with me is because she doesn’t find me physically attractive. I then jumped to the conclusion that she is just trying to make out with me because she can be my friend because she likes talking to me. She told me that’s nuts and that she thinks I’m hot and that she is just not ready but I’m freaking out that she doesn’t really find me physically attractive. EVEN THOUGH SHE SAYS SHE FINDS ME HOT AND ISN’T READY. I’m really nervous and I need your help asap. Please help mike, please.
Thanks
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She’s nervous, you jump to a lot of conclusions, she wants to talk, she thinks you’re hot, you freak out.
You freak out a lot yes?
Just relax dude, enjoy spending time, be natural, spontaneous, have no agenda, force isn’t good, to force her, OR YOURSELF. The best moments are the spontaneous, natural moments.
Let it be whatever it is, whatever develops. Why force an idea into a situation? Let things happen naturally. A beautiful moment is not a forced moment. Enjoy.
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Ok mike my ocd has been going away recently but this new one came. But via distraction it has been getting better. I’m also going to start meditating because it seems that was the last push that cured
Ending ocd’s ocd. But this new one that came, and the ocd is much better now and is starting to cure, but now this new one came.
So I was taking a shower and I looked at my genitals and for some reason the thought
Popped into my head “what if it was a vagina?”
Ugh.
Well I freaked out from there with some sort of transgender ocd or something, constantly worrying if I would rather be a girl, being a transgender or whatever.
Ugh.
I mean, this pisses me off. People at school consider me extremely masculine and just no of course not!!!! But it keeps on coming into my mind and then you know how ocd
Plays out from there, giving you extreme anxiety.
The worse part about this is it makes me sometimes imagine being a girl. This makes me have lots of anxiety and then I say “NO OF COURSE NOT WTF U IDIOT UR A HAPPY MAN” (no offense to transgenders or anything but I am JUST NOT ONE).
And then it manifests itself from there by ocd saying “ohhhh u imagined yourself as a girl…you r a transgender” And I say “NONONO THAT MADE ME SICK I AM NOT
ONE”
Pleeeeeeaaaaaassssseee help me this is so
Emberassing and awful and painful please tell me what to do to make this never happen again
Thanks
Teddy
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Teddy, I’m going to jump in here and say it’s really not fair to keep asking Mike to repeat himself. Basically, you’re giving meaning, importance and emotion to ideas that are really just curiosities, musings. The answer is always the same: remove attention from/ignore thoughts that you don’t want. Nothing has any meaning except the meaning that you give it, through your attention. If you’d like more details, please re-read Mike’s comments above — he’s laid it all out very clearly for you there. Thanks Teddy.
Best wishes,
James
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Hi Teddy, James is right, there’s a general trend here and the answers are the same aren’t they? The subject of the unwanted thought is irrelevant, the process is the same to get rid. The mind runs on meaning and attention… fear of a thought means you see it everywhere and get repeats because that’s what fear does.
Never question unwanted thoughts…. it’s very simple, is it wanted or not? Be indifferent, any other reaction is meaning. These are the basics that I’ve been over and over with you. And yes, use the listening method and do meditation so that you disidentify with your thoughts. Thoughts aren’t you. So… you need to learn to stop thinking… read Ending_OCD’s feedback about meditation…. he explains how the thoughts disappear and he is FREE to think on purpose. That’s the main process you need is to stay with a quiet mind as your default, and think only when you want to think, you notice thoughts that pop, but give them no identity, you see they are just thoughts. Until you do this, the same pattern will simply repeat in a thousand ways.
I say again, hopefully for the last time :-)… to get rid of unwanted thought you have to not care, and remove attention, did you do that? I understand why you didn’t, you are stuck believing thoughts have meaning, they don’t, they happen depending on the meaning and attention given previously. If you need reminders, then read the article “The big picture of unwanted thoughts” over and over until it has crystallized for you, because it’s not possible for me to keep giving the same answers over and over :-)
See how Ending_OCD has really committed to the listening method and got amazing results. I recommend you do the same, and as you become rooted in awareness, just notice what pops and shrug off, ignore, anything that you don’t want. Very, very, very, very simple. Be clear and do it.
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Teddy, your sexuality isn’t going anywhere. It’s determined at birth and hard-wired into your brain. You are straight, always have been, and always will be. That isn’t going to change. I’m currently coping with the same OCD problem. I know myself completely, and I know that my brain is fabricating lies into trying to trick me. I’m just living my life the way I used to and being confident in myself. Finding a wonderful woman in this world and settling down with her is one of my goals in life. That’s what I want, and it’s part of who I genuinely am. Meditation is something you should consider doing as well. It clears your mind of unwanted thoughts and gives you control of your thoughts. As Michael has said already, simply don’t care nor pay attention to these thoughts. They are NOT you.
As for me, after taking Michael’s advice, I’ve made substantial progress. I really feel good and am enjoying life. I can sense that I’m almost at 100% of what I used to be. Now I’m just waiting for the Happy Guide to come in the mail. Once i read it and cure myself completely of this, I’ll be sure to share my success story with everyone here. I know I’ll overcome this, and I know you will too, Teddy. All the best.
———-
So Michael, do you still to this day practice meditation on a daily basis? Has it become a part of your daily/life routine? You probably don’t suffer from unwanted thoughts whatsoever because your awareness is so strong it’s essentially become intuitive/natural, correct? I still have a ways to go before I get there.
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Hi Ending_OCD, I do like to meditate, because the depths one can reach from sit-down practice are far greater, easier to get into that place by making everything quiet, shutting down the senses and turning a big spotlight on the mind. I don’t need to as such, so I just do it when I feel like it. And sit-down practice isn’t necessary if we commit to listening, really commit and throw ourselves into it. It helps though, good to do if things have gotten bad, and the mind is stormy.
Once you can make your mind utterly quiet at will, there’s no need for meditation as such, because everything becomes meditation, it becomes your way of being, of living, and you will have this deep peace that is always there for you to go to, utterly sane.
Yes it’s true that I don’t have any unwanted thoughts, I know the power of attention. When you make no-mind your default, stay in it, you will see the power of it, a beautiful simplicity that makes everything shiny and new. Combine that with the best nutrition, sleep, organization etc, and you can reach a really wonderful state of mind, of being, happiness. It’s about getting into the right habits, making it all good habits, so that the causes are there every day, and it all compounds over the long-term.
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Hi Michael, because I’m new to meditation, right now it’s like I have to make a conscious effort to listen and focus on listening. But I’ve noticed that when doing so, random thoughts (including my unwanted ones) just disappear after a while, and it all happens naturally. It feels wonderful, indeed. And then when I try to focus on a desired thought, I can enjoy it without being hindered by any unwanted thoughts. The unwanted thoughts do still emerge from time to time, but not nearly as frequently. And when they do, they don’t bother me, because they’re meaningless and nothing. I will keep you posted on my progress. Thanks as always.
Ending_OCD
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Ohhhhhh that makes me so happy… yes, isn’t it WONDERFUL? And very simple. So glad you have found the path :-)
As you keep noticing “that is meaningless” then they will stop coming altogether. Direction is everything, if they are reducing, they are disappearing :-) So. now, how quickly you have moved into choiceful thinking! How I love it when someone “goes for it” and gets awesome results! Thanks for posting!
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Hi ending ocd can you tell me how you cured your ocd like I know I need to distract and I have done that and it’s much better but tell me exactly step by step how u did it I would be very thankful
Thanks
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HI Teddy, I’m not entirely cured yet, but I’m almost there – say 90% of what I used to be. It’s that small 10% that’s still lingering there. But here’s what I’ve done so far:
1) Realizing that my brain is lying to me, I just brush it off and think about other things. But here’s the trick, you shouldn’t think about the things that your unwanted thoughts are tied to. For example, whenever I fantasize about making out with a woman, there are some times when a man will be in her place. It’s disturbing, yes, but I’ve adopted a reaction where I’m indifferent/don’t care about that thought and just think of something else quickly. The longer you go on without thinking about your unwanted thoughts, you start to allow your brain to break thinking patterns that have become habitual. After a while, I’ll come back to my desired thought (i.e. making out with a beautiful woman), and voila, the unwanted thought doesn’t emerge. And this happens all naturally without having to consciously think about it. Essentially, you need to allow your brain to “reset” itself. It takes time and patience, but eventually your brain will “forget” those “thinking patterns that have become habitual”.
2) Live your life how you used to. You KNOW better than anyone else who you are, so be confident in yourself. When you have doubt, you have insecurity. That insecurity leads to questioning, which in turn leads to OCD. Remember, your brain is fabricating false attractions and lies. Those unwanted thoughts you’re experiencing are NOT you; they don’t say anything about who you are. Laugh them off. That being said, you have nothing to worry about. Go on and enjoy life with all it has to offer, and don’t question yourself.
3) OCD can be attributed to chemical inbalances in the brain, and that can be remedied through nutrition. I’m currently consuming fish oil and chamomile tea on a daily basis, and my mind feels clean and relaxed. I’m able to focus and concentrate better as well.
4) As Michael and I have been discussing, meditation can be very effective. Every day, give yourself 30 minutes to sit down, close your eyes, relax, and just listen. You’ll be amazed at how long you’ll go on without experiencing those unwanted thoughts. And the more you do this, the more intuitive/natural it will become. You’ll be able to enjoy your desired thoughts in due time without interference.
The last part is reading Michael’s Happy Guide book. I’m sure that sometime after I finish reading it, I’ll be cured 100%. Others have been cured, and no one is an exception. Everyone CAN be treated.
If you have any more questions, just ask.
Ending_OCD
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Ending ocd do you think that ocd can be 100% completely cured or do you think it can only be “managed” “coped with” or “treated”
And a second questiob a lot of therapists say it can only be “treated” “managed” or “coped with” but mike says with this method it can be cured. What do you think about that?
Thanks
Teddy
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OCD most definitely can be 100% completely cured. I’ve seen other people cured, so it definitely works.
I just finished reading Michael’s Happy Guide (fantastic book, by the way – I’ll post my thoughts on it later), and I already feel better. I don’t even question my sexuality anymore; it’s like my SO OCD is gone/never happened. The only thing that remains is my unwanted thoughts/images, and I’m following the principles of “don’t care/ignore” and “listening”. Eventually, I’ll get full control over my thoughts.
So how are you doing right now? Let us know.
Ending_OCD
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Ok so
1. What are the 6 lifestyle elements?
And
2. I think what made me cure my initial hocd was of course distraction. But it took me awhile to get into the distraction method and to fully use it. The time it clicked was when I saw how irrational my thoughts were and had no fear because I knew they were simply not true, stupid, and irrational. Thus I didn’t fear it and just kept on distracting and within about 2 days I was cured. But for this my problem is I can’t see that way, I can’t see it’s irrational. I have this huge fear that people think I’m gay and I fear it may be true but I can’t see this is irrational or stupid or simply not true. How do I get to the point where I can see that they are simply not true, stupid, irrational, etc.? Because once I get there i can distract and cure myself quickly, like hocd
Thanks
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1. https://happy.guide/2012/06/03/six-habits
2. “But for this my problem is I can’t see that way, I can’t see it’s irrational.” You don’t NEED to see it as irrational, it helps certainly, but if you are in anxiety, logic is not going to be your strong point. Ignoring has don’t care built in. As I said before you need to…
a) Be secure in your own mind about your sexuality, then, how can jokes others make have much effect?
b) Lighten up, the mind runs on MEANING, you are telling your mind this has great meaning, whereas, if you want something to be off your mind, you need to not care.
c) Keep ignoring thoughts about it, even if you feel anxious, distract the mind with movies, books, whatever, keep mind off it.
d) If it comes up when you’re with friends, be cool, laugh, don’t care, be light-hearted “whatever.” If you get all antsy, then they know it has MEANING for you!! AND they will wind you up even more.
MAINLY get your mind off it, stop caring. This is the SIMPLE HANDLE that will get you through…. “NO ATTENTION.” Attention is the volume control for thoughts.
To allow you to let go now, you can also decide to SET IT FOR REVIEW, e.g. decide to forget about it until 1st April, until then, no thinking about it. This way you can forget about something you feel may be important. As you forget, you will quickly discover, it wasn’t.
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answer these questions because it is still torturing me
1. does this mean now that whenever the word or concept “gay” is brought up by someone I will have to go to my HOCD thoughts and this other thing that we are talking about and have to ignore them? Or will there be a day when I won’t have to ignore them anymore?
2. Why did the thing that happened today happen?
3. Still, for some reason I freak out about this that my whole grade thinks that I could be gay. It’s just so annoying because even after I stopped or cured or whatevered my HOCD thoughts I would still obsess about other things. Will the obessions ever stop? Just I don’t know what to do with this whole “the grade thinks I’m gay” problem and the other obessesions please how do I stop it once and for all so I will never have to go back to this state of extreme anxiety? I just don’t know why this is happening and I don’t know what’s going on in my head it makes me think I’m crazy and I just don’t know what to do. ugh I just need this to go forever and I feel like I just can’t ignore it. I am afraid that that one guy who said “well maybe he thinks you are gay” maybe he thinks I am gay and then maybe that whole class thinks I am gay and ugh. I hate this it drives me nuts. please help as quickly as possible
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and then also a fourth question, why did I get this anxiety in the first place?
respond asap because this is really killing me
thanks
teddy
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just to define the fourth question further, why do i get this anxiety when other people don’t? what causes it? why does it happen to me not other people? why?
thanks
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1. If you stop caring, and keep ignoring, then you will forget.
2. Who can say for sure… I am of the belief that we attract circumstances according to our dominant thoughts, the so-called “law of attraction.” So perhaps it’s that. If you think about it, we are giving off a “vibe” and that vibe is the sum of our feelings about our beliefs… essentially, who we think we are and our “truth.” This is why birds of a feather flock together, and if you are aggressive, you will attract trouble. It’s the vibe.
3. If you are “the kind of person who” and you don’t like it, you need to change… e.g. to a person who doesn’t care what other people think, who is secure in who he is, and as previously mentioned, this changes your vibe, and hence, how people respond to you. It’s like people reflect back who you are. For example, someone who is very open and honest… people will find they open up to them, tell their innermost secrets. People who are very confident will get a different response to those who are shy etc. What are the roots of your behavior? Caring what others think? Lack of confidence? Feeling out of control in your mind? All these things can be changed by learning to run your brain, changing physiology so that your mind is working correctly, e.g. you have the right nutrition etc, and by making new decisions about yourself and your life, e.g. “I will stop caring what others think about me.” If you ponder the last one, you may find it is a better way to be. Of course, there are some things you might not want others to think if it is not true, so you can simply put them straight, at the opportune moment. I find that most often it’s best to wait and not just dive right in… set the intention in your mind, e.g. to set people straight about your sexuality, and then wait for the right moment. It will come.
If you have a habit of obsessing, then stop it. If you understand deeply that attention is the volume control for thoughts, and you have control over what you think, you can change your behavior around it. You might find it a much better way to be, to let go rather than control, once you try it out, and you’ll see that things work out better, you can just behave naturally, in the moment… respond to the moment from a deep connection to yourself, rather than trying to control life through ideas. If you’re ever worried, stop, think “what is the outcome I want?” “What can I DO?” Then you simply action what you’ve decided. A lot of worry happens because there hasn’t been a resolution to a perceived problem. Once you decide what you want and what you’re going to do, it’s resolved.
4. The anxiety is about not being able to control outcomes, feeling out-of-control. Can you control what others think? Well… you can speak your truth, be yourself, take action, make decisions, run your own brain. All that is staying in your own power. I tend not to care at all what others think, generally, there are exceptions where I feel the need to correct something, but not often. The ego is heavily invested in others opinions, and the cure for ego is intense self-observation… i.e. WATCH how the ego operates, notice it, watch every thought and reaction. I think you should work on yourself, by following the 6 lifestyle elements, which work synergistically to make you happy and healthy, including overcoming mental issues, ego, confidence, etc. All dysfunctions have their roots in the same causes… not living right, not thinking right.
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