I often write about my friend who has “OCD” — obsessive compulsive disorder. Because the issues he faces are the same ones we all face.
His are just more extreme, more obsessive but they’re the same. Just two days after giving his full effort to just one simple technique he called me…
“I’m cured,” he said.
This was after months of severe anxiety states. He was shaking a lot of the time, sweating heavily at night. His thoughts were racing constantly and he couldn’t control them.
He had to stop work several times and his life was grinding to a halt as he avoided as much as he could and withdrew into his private world of pain.
The reason I’m telling you all this is to show you the amazing power of attention. The technique is simple — distraction…
Attention is where your power is. Attention is the volume control for thoughts — as I’ve told him a thousand times.
The “cure” lasted ten days. Ten days of almost complete normality with no sign of OCD. And it took only two days to go from gibbering wreck to happy and enthusiastic using only distraction. Amazing!
Old habits die hard
And his cure would have been permanent but for the fact that ten days later after burning the candle at both ends, he had some little twinges of anxiety that triggered the old way of thinking. Slowly for a further 4 days, he ramped the whole thing back up again.
Again, this has powerful lessons for all of us. “Old habits die hard” as the saying goes. After making changes, we need to be sure to bed them in well.
It’s like riding a bike
“This OCD” I tell him, “is just like riding a bike. You’ll always be able to do it. Just DON’T GET ON THE BIKE.” Unfortunately he did — despite the most severe warnings. I talk to him for hours and hours and hours. “I can’t do this without you,” he says.
The truth is that all this talking is really unnecessary in the sense that it has only one purpose. To convince him that distraction IS the answer — to explain to him that his way can never work, and to get him to commit 100% to the simple method of distraction. Once he commits; two days. He is normal after two days. Twenty years of OCD gone.
If you stick your hand in the fire… it ALWAYS burns
So… round and round we go. As I speak he’s fallen back into the old way. Now he needs me to talk him out because it’s very foggy in there. He can’t see his own way out. I hope and pray that this time he’s learned and he won’t need to stick his hand in the fire one more time to realize… IT ALWAYS BURNS!
Thoughts are… just thoughts
The lesson for you and me is that thoughts aren’t us. They are for the most part conditioned reactions that we believe in and identify with. Once you can see thoughts as just thoughts, you have the power to remove your attention from unwanted ones.
Now you have a choice — to pay attention or not. Whether it’s because you want to stop a bad habit or stop a thought loop about a girlfriend that just dumped you, the process is the same. Distract from thoughts you don’t want (ie. ignore them) and their power is gone.
The amazing power of attention
Once you know this simple process, you’ll find a thousand ways it can serve you. Someone says something hurtful? Distract. Worried about tomorrow? Distract. Craving unhealthy food? Distract.
This one simple technique ALONE can have a massive impact on your health and happiness because you always have choice. There is always a choice of where to put your attention. You can stop reacting to everything in the same old conditioned way — the way everyone else reacts — predictably.
Master the process
Now you make your decisions consciously. You are in charge — not old habits, old ways and the same old reactions. If distraction can end 20 years of misery in only 2 days, what can it do for you?
Learn and master the incredible power of attention and you’re going to get happier and happier.
It’s been 8 years I am searching for a cure. Just to tell you thank you so much, I started the attention (distraction) method and my OCD is fading away. Many thanks!!
— Jad, Canada
Update: I received this feedback from the friend I talked about in the article:
Sometimes there’s things you don’t want but it’s a reality. But I now know thinking can bring nothing but more suffering. I don’t do OCD anymore. Thanks to you. Love you brother x
— Paul Attwell, UK
Best wishes,
Michael Kinnaird
Happy Guide 
Hey James, Thanks a lot for all your help, your thinking helped cleared my mind on a lot of stuff–I feel like in this age our minds can get easily cluttered and become confused.
There are still two things that I am still confused of:
One, is I become very sad whenever I think of how someone has less than me in terms of wealth/priveledge, and guilty as well. I used to not think this way. I don’t know what to do? It makes me really sad and upset though
Second, I am really getting hung up on how strictly I need to follow the bible. I am a Christian and always have been. I certainly believe in God and in Christ. But there are so many strict guidelines and I worry if I don’t follow them then I am not really a Christian, or a good one perhaps. For instance “turning the other cheek” but I know that doesn’t work with bullies, or just being a boy, sometimes you have to “punch back” (and I mean with words, only in a dire situations with fists that luckily I haven’t had to deal with). Am I just taking scripture too literally? Or when I talk crap about people etc. whenever I don’t do something the bible says but that our culture does. I am obsessing over over this how do I get over it? I feel like if I don’t follow everything Christ/the bible said then I am not a true/good Christian. However I know that on certain issues, like genesis, it can’t be taken literally. Of course evolution happened (duh). Help me with this problem I have please.
Thanks so much,
Teddy
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Hi Teddy, James isn’t around for a few days.
I think I would feel the same way as you if I had a lot of wealth and others were struggling. This is a big conversation and I may post about soon, the solutions, the causes etc, but briefly, society is set up so that we are competing with each other instead of cooperating, and the need for each person to “make it” on their own is really at the roots of a lot of insanity. You could use this sense of injustice you feel to imagine how it could be better, because ideas are the most important thing for change to happen. Everything starts with an idea. I have been thinking along these lines for many years, and although there has been little actual change, I talk about it with others, so the ideas spread, and when enough people are holding the vision of the better way, THEN you will see shifts in the outer structure of society that is resonant with the better feeling ideas people hold as vision.
The teachings of Jesus all become clear when you realize that what he is teaching is love, and that all the advice like “turn the other cheek” are “what love does.” Love does not hate or make an enemy of a bully say. Love loves the bully, because it SEES all the connections, all the causes, the confused and separated, disconnected state of the bully who is not being who they really are but something less. When you try to follow rules in order to change to being good, it doesn’t really work… trying to love the bully while you really want to hit him or hurt him. The only way is to BE love first, then you are having compassion for the bully, your drive is to heal all, not to punish the bully and love the victim, but to heal all.
When you take “what love does” and try to do it, you’re always going to be split, confused, in an inner battle. Align with love first by meditation, living in the moment, practicing awareness of thoughts, and you gradually move more and more into alignment with love, which is really who you are, and then you will ACT FROM love.
Mike
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When Jesus says “I and the father are one” he is saying “I am love,” because “God is love” it says in the Bible, so Jesus is saying I am aligned with love.
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Hello,
I’m sorry for being here bothering you, but I really don’t know what to do anymore. Since February, I’ve been studying for an important exam that I’m going to do in October. It has been SO exhausting and stressful for me that it already gave me serious headaches, neck pain and all that stuff. But, 3 weeks ago, I watched a interview, on YouTube, of a guy that became a girl, he was a transgender. Since then, I can’t stop thinking that maybe I’m a transgender as well, but I never, as long I can remember, had this desire before. I always liked being a boy (I’m gay) and now I’m scared that maybe I can be a girl. I already put some women clothes, tried to imagine myself with long hair and all that feminine stuff, but I don’t see myself like that. (I think feminine stuff really beautiful, but I don’t see myself using it)
I found your website, read all the posts about these intrusive thoughts, all the comments, and I had progress, actually. I spent one week being happy again, away of these thoughts. But Saturday and Sunday were stressful days for me, and I think that’s why the thoughts returned.
I’m trying to do what you said, ignoring my thoughts, pretending they’re nothing, but I always think, 1 minute later, if I always wanted to be a woman, had this locked inside me, and now this desire is surfacing, you know? I can’t stop thinking about it because it feels so real. I can’t study anymore, I can’t sleep anymore (spent almost 4 days sleeping 2 hours only), my life sucks right now.
My friends says to me that I’m not a transgender but my mind doesn’t want to accept it. I’m so sad right now. Can you help me, please? I want to be happy again and I have no other help.
Thank you.
(I’m sorry for my English mistakes, I’m from Brazil.)
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Hi valdemirjr
Transgender people “just know” they are in the wrong sex body, they feel it from the earliest age, just as gay people “just know” they are gay. So this quagmire is the result of giving meaning, fear, attention to an idea. It is your very sense of self in question, in doubt, so you have given it a lot of meaning.
What we give meaning to comes back to be resolved. So to let go you need to find peace with the idea that you are not transgender because otherwise you would have always felt it, and that this is the result of meaning and attention to a thought. Once you feel happy to let go, then simply ignore, because we don’t give attention to meaningless thoughts.
You have even explored the idea by wearing clothes etc and it didn’t feel right. The feeling is the truth of it.
All the stress and lack of sleep has resulted in confusion and clouded judgement. So put your lifestyle back on track to feel better, as well as ignoring every thought to do with the idea of being transgender, until it is not there, and you are not aware it is not there, it’s just not there.
It feels real because that is what fear does. It shows you what you fear in a very real way because you perceived danger and reacted. Fear is primitive, whether the danger is real or imagined, the response of the mind is to show you the danger with a sense of extreme urgency and vividness.
So you SOOTHE the fearful part you created by staying consistent in the NEW TRUTH “nothing to fear or worry about, my mistake.” The fearful part takes some soothing, so repeat over and over for as long as it takes. The clearer and happier you are with the new truth, the new way, then the faster the fearful part is soothed.
You have experienced how fast it happens, but STRESS and lack of sleep caused a loss of control and disturbance in your mind. That’s why it’s always a multi-pronged strategy that works the best. This is exactly what happened to my friend in the article. He was cured, happy, normal until he got no sleep and then the mind isn’t working right and clarity lost, and the old conditioning/fears come back.
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Hi Michael,
Thanks for reply me. I tried to do what you said about ignore my thoughts (as I did last week) but IT’S SO HARD. Last night, I went to sleep and I wasn’t thinking about my problem but today I woke up and thought about it all morning. In the afternoon, I put on my mind that if I didn’t ignore this thoughts, I’d ruin my life, so I started ignoring it FOR REAL. It’s been SO hard because there’s something inside me that says that I’m denying my condition although I know, deep down, I’m a male. Is this what fear does, right? Trying to ignore it’s making me so anxious and stressed, I feel chills all over my body, but I put on my mind I can’t succumb to that.
OCD is so terrible, right? I had this crisis three other times and they were terrible as the one I’m through right now. I hope I can get out of this and live my life was I always lived.
Peace. x
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Hi Pedro, yes this is what fear does. It’s primitive, like if you watch a scary movie, all sorts of horrible feelings and thoughts can happen afterwards even though you KNOW it’s just a movie. Same here, you KNOW you are male, the rest is a primitive reaction to what you perceived as danger. And just like with a scary movie, you just stay in your truth that it’s just a movie and let the rest die away on its own.
So any thought or feeling that comes to do with your issue, you just observe it passively and refocus away. No discussion or pondering or trying to stop it coming. You are to do NOTHING other than stay in your truth and so see all other thoughts as just a reaction to your previous confusion, and so as irrelevant. In other words you no longer care about them because now you are clear.
Where is this problem when you are not thinking about it? Non existent. It’s not a REAL problem, like say a lion, because if you are not thinking, it doesn’t exist, as oppose to a lion that will continue to be danger if you stop thinking about it.
Your issue is only terrible if there is doubt, then your mind is split and you are unclear. You know deep down you are male, and that is the clear truth that you need to amplify, to hold, to settle into, so that you are at the POINT OF LETTING GO. Now all other thoughts seem silly in the light of this clear and bright truth that you know deep down.
And everyone, including me, is agreeing with your truth of being male, so you have full confidence in it, even though previously you were confused for a little while.
Why give any more attention to something meaningless? So as a thought comes, simply LOOK AT IT, see it is rubbish (although it may feel important, because that is what fear does), and refocus away (ignore).
That’s all you need to do. It’s very simple.
Peace to you too.
Mike
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Also, a true sense of self comes from literally feeling yourself, the thoughtless, wordless presence of your BEING. When you settle into that state of being, then what flows comes from that true place, wholeness, being wholly yourself. And when you begin to TRUST that, to trust yourself, the unconscious part that is nevertheless you, then everything becomes very simple and very good. This is nothing weird or mystical or difficult to comprehend, because it is the natural, spontaneous and joyful state that children are most often in.
So when we get lost in confused thinking and lose this connection, this feeling yourself, it causes a lot of suffering.
The thoughts that come when you are primarily trusting and being yourself have a sense of rightness and truth about them, so you don’t suffer self-doubt, everything works as it should, as a whole self.
Read these articles to get started, and keep coming back to your center often, habitually, so thoughts don’t cloud you out.
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Hey James, thanks for your advice.
There’s still this one thing that’s bugging me, that makes me feel bad and upset, and that I am semi obsessing about. It’s racism that I am thinking about. White privelage. I used to be able to play golf, and love the game and all. Now I think of
1) golf is a country
club sport, and clubs are exclusive, and that’s wrong (but I used to love the clubs I played that I played at!)
2) the comunity I live in is all white, which has to be caused by some sort racism (am I wrong??) and so how can I enjoy my comunity when I know that others cannot because of racism??
3) how can I enjoy my own life if there are other, starving people in the world??
It is these specific things that really have me upset, and make me my not normal self.
For these specific scenarios, how do I solve them to get back my old life when I didn’t have problems with this?
Thanks so much,
Teddy
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1) I don’t know much about golf clubs. But if it bothers you, why not do a bit of research or ask around about your club. If you get feedback that membership is very elitist or even racist, and you don’t want to support a club that acts that way, that’s completely understandable. I would feel the same way. How we spend our money is the biggest vote we have. It’s much more important than the political vote.
I would look for another club, and if I found they were all the same, none of them would get my money. To be honest, I would be very unlikely to ever join a golf club. Memberships are expensive and I would be very aware of the good that could be done with that money. That’s no judgement on anyone else playing golf of course. We must all follow our feelings.
2) An all-white community isn’t necessarily racist. For example, a lot of places have a “chinatown” area. People of similar backgrounds/traditions/interests tend to group together to a certain extent. However, as with the golf club, if you’ve heard repeated stories of racism or elitism that makes you uncomfortable, then you might consider moving to somewhere with a more diverse ethnic mix. Personally, I prefer that. It’s fascinating to meet people from different places, with different ideas and traditions. Much can be learned that way.
3) You need to accept that the world is the way it is. Humanity has lost its way, become disconnected and separate to a certain extent. As a collective, we don’t yet see that *my* happiness is *your* happiness. Few people are living in their natural, compassionate state. If they were, hunger simply wouldn’t exist, as we easily have the manpower to feed, clothe and house everybody.
Unfortunately, the prevailing system (capitalism) is a competitive one. It sets us against each other. Instead of co-operating to the benefit of everyone’s happiness, we compete for jobs, resources and wealth. Both at an individual level and country level. It’s an absurd situation.
Things are slowly improving with organisations like the UN. But in the meantime we must simply accept that the world is the way it is. That doesn’t mean you can’t make a difference, as I’ve already said. If hunger is a particularly wrenching idea for you, why not donate to charities that help starving people, or even volunteer to raise money?
But you need to make a choice. You can either live the rest of your life feeling guilty, which helps absolutely no-one, and only damages your own health… or you can feel lucky and blessed to have food in your belly and a roof over your head, and then decide to dedicate x amount of time or dollars a week to help make a difference.
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Hey teddy..,first of all with all due respect to a wonderful human james,i want to say that james.. u didnt read,i mean by mind,the problem of teddy correctly.Teddy,the thoughts which r coming in ur mind,r not part of ur actual thought process,its the fearful thoughts,ocd,which is precisely called moral scrupulosity in ocd.The person tends to think,”is this against the morals?”,”is it right or not?”,”i think it is wrong”,”how can i do something wrong”,its the fear not the actual u.
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Hi Kush, I think we have to be a bit careful before saying “It’s just the OCD and that’s that.”
ALL thinking is not the actual “you”. You are not your thoughts. So the ultimate answer is always to achieve a still mind, where we’re no longer identified with our thoughts. There are several things we can do to move towards that state, most notably meditation.
But there is also nothing wrong with looking at individual thoughts and making a decision on them, in order to get “unstuck”. When we do that, we move to a feeling of resolution. This is always the aim — to return to our once natural state of “let go-ness”.
You can become obsessive over literally anything and then give it a label such as Moral Scrupulosity (and people do). That doesn’t mean there’s no value in looking at an individual thought such as the idea that it’s morally “wrong” to join an elitist club. Coming to a course of action / resolution over a thought is extremely free-ing and often the first step to letting go of other thoughts. As mentioned, I would feel exactly the same way as Teddy, so it’s a thought that’s worthy of conscious attention, and a clear decision.
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So when my mind is clear and I feel great and love my bf and do not have my unwanted thoughts that’s really me? The anxiety ridden thoughts are not a sign of me actually being what I fear then?
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Hi Dee. Exactly — that’s the real you. You are simply a presence. Pure consciousness. Think of that consciousness as being the “background”. Thoughts are something that happen “on top” of that. The mistake is getting into a state where we think habitually, constantly, and we believe those thoughts are actually us! We call this network of thoughts that we identify with, the ego. To quote Mike in the book:
Best wishes,
James
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hello again,
I’m still having problems about the guilt of being rich, and seeing other people poor. I feel like being rich itself is against gods will because he doesn’t want poor people so we should just give all of our money away. I also feel guilty and bad about being white. I live in a very white comunity. Last year when I went to the golf course, I would just enjoy it. But now I obsess over how everyone is white and racism white privelage etc. and it makes me feel HORRIBLE and so that I can’t enjoy the things that I used to. How do I stop this?? I want the life that I had last year back.
Thanks so much,
Teddy
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Hi again Teddy. I believe that if there’s a God, he makes no judgment about what’s going on down here, that what we’re experiencing is all part of the rich tapestry of existence, and that it’s probably impossible for us to fully understand it with our limited human minds :-)
If there is a God, the idea of him being judgmental makes no sense to me whatsoever. Why would he create imperfect beings and then judge us for being imperfect? So we must follow our own feelings.
And if your feelings lead you to take action against inequality, that would be a wonderful thing. That could be in many different ways. The best action you can take is to show people how to be happy. Because once we’re simply happy, our true nature — our loving, compassionate nature — shines through. In that state, the idea of mistreating, or exploiting, another human being is basically impossible. It would be like abusing ourselves.
Unfortunately, we are all born into a world where the causes of true happiness are little-known, and it certainly isn’t taught in schools. So we must learn it ourselves. That’s why Mike and I created Happy Guide. It’s badly needed in the world.
So there is nothing to feel guilty about. You have simply been born into a privileged position in the world. This is neither good nor bad, it’s simply a fact. Make no judgement about it. Ignore feelings of guilt about it. What it does mean is that you have an opportunity to make a difference. What you *can* do is take action — show others how to be happy, so that their natural compassion shines through.
You can refer people to the home page of this website, or you could buy and hand out paperback copies of Happy Guide. Mike and I spend our time keeping our information up to date and reaching as many people as we can — people who are often in desperate need of help. You can support that work with a one-off donation:
http://selz.co/1KFoB3v
Or if you’d like to make a regular donation, that would be hugely appreciated (just let me know and I will set it up).
When we’ve created happiness far and wide, rich and poor will become a thing of the past. We will all realize that *my* happiness is *your* happiness, because we all affect each other. In the meantime, we will simply help as many people as we can. Helping even *one* person makes a difference… and that person’s life will touch a hundred more :-)
Best wishes,
James
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Hi James, i saw your blog talks about ocd. I am unsure of if my case is ocd or not and it’s just so rare that i had noone on the internet having the same issue as me. Mine is only obsessive thoughts. This problem has taken my life away and changed me to a completely different person. My friends and family member are dead worried too.
i am KH 20 year old and i am from singapore.
Bascially i never had OCD before, never had any mental illness other than some sad moment in your life that you would certainly face and get over it and i am telling u i might have OCD is because what i am experiencing does not have explanation nor logic, only OCD symptoms could link to what i am currently facing.
So 3 weeks ago i started to have thoughts of shirt touching my neck, like the sensation of shirt touching your neck area, slowly i became aware of it and now i can’t kick it away, like i would always have the thought of it and can’t focus in what i am doing. That’s one symptoms i could link it to OCD.
But at the same time, i could experience headache, neck and shoulder pain, i feel tired even i had full 8 hours of sleep, i don’t eat more used to what i eat, my hands are restless, so i do not know if it could be myself being sick.
This thought, purely this, i do not have other issue, just this issue. Because of this issue, my life went a 180 degree turn and i really want to kick it away and lead my usual life back. Could u tell me how can i kick this type of OCD away. I don’t mind suffering just for the time being, all i am concern about is this being with me in my whole life. Because of this, i at time have suicidal thoughts. I really want to kick it away and out of my life. can u please give me advice and help me get out of this nightmare please.
Thank you for listening james!
Cheers,
KH
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Hi KH, I’ve added the email you sent me to your comment above, but I’ve edited your name so that it’s anonymous.
The answer is in the article :-) Thoughts are just thoughts, they have no inherent importance. It’s *us* that make them important with our attention, and by worrying about them.
So the answer is to distract away from them, ignore them. Give them no meaning or importance. Do nothing and as soon as that thought about the shirt pops up, distract. Calmly put your attention back to what you were doing (ignore).
I suspect this issue has popped up during a period when you’re more tired or anxious than usual — or maybe you’ve just been overdoing it for too long. The aches and pains indicate this too. It’s important to live in a calm, relaxed, healthy way. Make sure that’s the highest priority in your life.
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Hi James, i do not know if this is sensorimotor ocd because all i read online is people having it will focus on their blinking, heartbeat, swallowing etc. And they can’t focus when they are having it. All of them said they have good time and bad time meaning they feel it on and off, at specific hours per day. But for mine, it happened 3 weeks ago, it is only the neck issue, i do not have thoughts or wanting to focus. It’s just etc your nerve sending signal up and let you feel it. Which mean is always constantly. 24/7 i have been having this. So i am like damn lost, because it is freaking me out. But to say, not only this issue but my health issue changed with it too, so i really do not know what happened to me.
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Hi KH, you don’t need a label for this issue, you just need to ignore it. You noticed your shirt touching your neck and you gave that idea attention and importance. As a result, the thought popped up again and then you worried about it (which gives is lots more meaning and importance), which means it’s now firmly “on your radar.” It’s like when we buy a green car and suddenly we notice all the other green cars. They were always there, but now, we notice them, they are “on our radar.”
So the solution is to ignore it, don’t care about it. If you want to cover all the bases, check out this article…
It says “Thoughts come back depending on the meaning you previously gave, depending on your attitude to the original event. What meaning did you give? How did you react?”
As mentioned, you gave attention and meaning to something that usually doesn’t have your attention and isn’t important at all. So, to get rid, you must change the meaning and attitude to “don’t care.” That really is it, but as I say, that article really covers all the bases.
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Its been about a year,since u posted this,so not sure if the information m going to give u,u had it now or not.Well..,maybe james may not like this,about giving u this info,but as an experienced sufferer of sensormotor ocd,i was also curious to know about my illness like u.Its not a long info,u just read it,n thats it,the clearity u need to know.The problem u r having or i wish it’s not there now,is sensorimotor ocd.U said that the people u read about had different problems like breathing,blinking,swallowing etc.,people have problems like u too,basically its the sensation thing,it may be breathing or the thing in ur case.Well.. the solution is what james told u.
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