How to stop worrying about your family

Ruchir asks…

“My mother always has tension in her mind. Things which have happened in the past, or are happening, disturb her. She thinks too much about every household topic and worries about every minute topic related to family. She’s not able to to sleep at night. Does she have a serious problem or is it normal?”

I don’t believe she has a serious problem.

I think she just has deeply ingrained thought habits that cause her to worry about members of her family, at the expense of her own peace of mind…

A good first step is to ponder that everyone is responsible for their own lives, which will lead to a new acceptance and a new way of seeing things — at least intellectually.

Then, she can make a clear and calm decision (pact) that will become a reference for changing her behavior. In this case, a “worry hour” is a fantastic way to go. This way, she can still allow herself to worry about her family, but not habitually…

At first, her mind will keep trying to make her go back to the old way — thinking and worrying about family. Such is the power of habit. She must pay these thoughts no mind… ignore them… just see them as the old conditioning (which is what they are). They will then become less and less frequent.

The thoughts are clear and bright now, because she has paid attention to them regularly — for many years, I suspect. If she removes her attention from them, they will drop away and the new attitude tells her mind “these thoughts are now unimportant.”

The power of attention cannot be overstated. What we pay attention to grows, what we remove attention from fades away.

Another idea is a refocusing of energy and intention behind the worry. Finding ways to serve and support the family without worry is the way to go. For example, she could plan family get-togethers.

There’s nothing wrong with bringing love, compassion and support to the people she loves! But it shouldn’t be at the expense of her own health and happiness. She must put her own health FIRST and learn to “switch off” when required.

The “Break Bad Habits” and “Live in the Moment” chapters of Happy Guide will show her how to let go of unwanted, recurring thoughts and habits.

In terms of worrying about household things-to-do, the “Get Organized” chapter describes a very simple system for keeping track of what needs doing. Committing all those little jobs into a system is incredibly freeing for the mind, and massively reduces stress and worry.

The “Live in the Moment” and “Get Organized” chapters are about creating peace of mind. The other four lifestyle chapters in Happy Guide are about creating health — the other BIG cause of happiness.

These chapters are vital because even something as simple as a food intolerance can cause subtle physiological problems, without you ever even knowing it. So it’s important to follow the Happy Guide system as closely as possible, because it automatically avoids all the unseen obstacles and pitfalls.

Plus of course, everything affects everything else. Good nutrition means taking exercise becomes easier… Regular exercise means sounder, more restful sleep. This in turn makes living in the moment far easier… and so-on.

Bottom line — try to get your mother to run with as much of Happy Guide as possible. It will make a huge difference.

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Michael Kinnaird is the author of Happy Guide, the result of a 20 year exploration into what works for health and happiness.

Read Chapter 1 “The Happiness Secret”
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