Ahsan asks…
“The progress is ok, but I need a finishing touch to really end this. By finishing touch I mean a killer to really end the whole of it. The thoughts are an “on and off” kind of situation and sometimes I am able to ignore but sometimes they still bother me.
It’s happened before that I think I have found a solution and then these thoughts get back again. The problem is that I am still feeling uncomfortable. I want to feel free, relaxed and light but there is still a kind of mental barrier.”
Please, please understand that this progress is immensely important. You should be overjoyed at this progress.
There is no killer other than “no importance — distract”, provided any supporting beliefs have been deconstructed — which is the case with you, since you know these thoughts are silly.
This simple method IS the killer but please, please be patient, consistent and calm about applying it…
KNOW that this method will result in the end of these unwanted thoughts that have plagued you for so long and that this knowledge and feeling will give you the calmness you need.
On and off is wonderful. Much easier to deal with on and off. When they come, simply notice the thought forming, give no importance and distract, remove attention back to what you were doing…
Relax, seriously. DIRECTION is everything and progress means the right direction. If you get frustrated, that is more attention. If you get disturbed that is more attention and you risk ramping the whole thing up again.
Stay calm and faithful, apply the method with absolute consistency and you will see the end of this — the forgetting of unwanted thoughts.
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Michael Kinnaird is the author of Happy Guide, the result of a 20 year exploration into what works for health and happiness.
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Hi Mike! I’m really confused right now. I read your articles about a week ago and i knew for sure what i would have to do – “no importance-distract”. Then every morning i wake up and i think “I have to apply this method every single time i think about this subject” and more than once has that thought followed me all day. It’s like a mission to me, something i always have to remind me to do. And that is giving attention to the thought – which i shouldn’t have. I really really need your advices! Thank you so much!
P/s: I am so sorry for my grammar!
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Hi Jef, I’m James, Mike’s brother and partner on Happy Guide.
Yes, this is the problem isn’t it? Our minds are usually over-active and have a great deal of momentum. This is most people’s “normal” mode. In this state, it’s hard to stop thinking, even about the solution :-)
So we need to quieten our minds, get back to stillness, our natural state where thoughts pop in isolation and we have the full ability to think “on purpose.” Listening/meditation is important for getting back to this state — but so is the rest of our lifestyle. Removing causes of stress, setting a relaxed pace in our lives, getting rid of “stuff” in our mental attic, eating right, sleeping right, exercising. It all matters. All this affects our ability to drive our mental car, as opposed to being dragged along by our thoughts.
In the moment, the aim is to do nothing. Don’t think about the solution, just do nothing — awareness is all you need. You’re not looking for the thought, you’re not thinking about if the thought will come, you’re just aware, present. Then, when the thought pops, you notice it and quickly, naturally divert your attention away, back to what you were doing. Just as you would with any thought that is irrelevant or meaningless to you. Your ability to do this depends on your overall state, and therefore your overall lifestyle. I highly recommend reading the book for all the details of getting back to our natural state. It only takes about an hour:
https://happy.guide/book
In the meantime, just try to stay present, aware. Then when the thought pops, calmly distract away. If you find it hard to stay “present” and centered enough to do this, as I say, the book will help you — and I would definitely start a listening/meditation habit as a first step. Hope this helps Jef :-)
Best wishes,
James
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Thank you so so much for your great advices, James!! :)
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No worries :-)
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Thanks a bunch, Michael! I am in the process of reading the book. I started out today by trying to eat healthier and trying to learn to live in the now. I think that is often difficult for people like me who daydream alot and often live in the past or worry about the future. Anxiety, for some reason, seems to run in my family. I also have an autoimmune disease so I know eating better will benefit me. Thanks again.
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That’s great Karen. Let me know your thoughts about the book and also if you have any questions. Autoimmune diseases definitely need a “human foods only” approach, especially removing grains with the possible exception of white rice. If you find yourself worrying, try asking yourself “What can I actually do?” If nothing, then you could set it for review so you can let it go now. If you do this with every worry then you will end up with a to-do list and a review date and freedom from worry. Of course it’s also a habit to worry, and we change that by repeatedly pulling our attention off, asking the question and letting it go. New habit.
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Worry is not always a bad thing. Our minds show us what we perceive as a potential problem. That is a good thing, but we must turn that into action, make a decision about it or set for review so it’s effectively dealt with and doesn’t just keep repeating. If we have lots of unresolved worries like this it becomes a big impediment to our happiness.
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Hi, Mike. I am having a similar problem as above. In junior high I used to lock doors all the time. I have always been anxious, but lately- the last 2 months- it has gotten way out of hand. I read the first chapter of Happy Guide and plan to order book. Anyway, my thoughts are also religious in nature and it is to the point of interrupting everyday life. Do you recommend I just keep trying your methods more and the ones in the book when I get it, or should I also see a psychologist and/or religious minister?
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Hi Karen, guidance can be helpful to reach the point of letting go if you aren’t there yet. You first need to be able to see that what you want is for the thoughts to not be there at all, what I call “deconstructing beliefs.” If you’re at that point, then all you need to do is consistently ignore all thoughts and feelings about it. Feel free to ask more questions here if you need clarity. Happy Guide is the complete solution to all chronic health problems including psychological ones, because our bodies and minds work as a whole, so we need to get our whole lifestyles working for us, body and mind. Correcting JUST psychology only works if that is the only factor out of place.
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Oh, I meant to say; a magnesium supplement is worth considering for any kind of anxiety problem. Chronic anxiety can really leave us magnesium deficient so that’s worth looking into. You can get a magnesium RBC test.
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thank you mike for making me easy to understand that, because sometimes when I’m stressed out, simple things make me find it confusing or difficult. hehe :-) and yes this clarifies things for me. thank you again so much………… :-)
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mike i’m from Philippines. i think i would like to buy your book too. but i dont think its available here??. and one thing mike, i just rent in a computer shop that’s why sometimes i take so long to get back to you and tell how’s it going.
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Hi Lorenz,
These are all the same in different words :-) It’s about the meaning and attention you give. Attention makes thoughts grow.
So… have a don’t care attitude and bring your mind back to what you are doing, which means ignore. Ignore = don’t care + attention elsewhere. Hope this clarifies things for you.
The Book Depository will ship to the Philippines and has free delivery.
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