I often write about my friend who has “OCD” — obsessive compulsive disorder. Because the issues he faces are the same ones we all face.
His are just more extreme, more obsessive but they’re the same. Just two days after giving his full effort to just one simple technique he called me…
“I’m cured,” he said.
This was after months of severe anxiety states. He was shaking a lot of the time, sweating heavily at night. His thoughts were racing constantly and he couldn’t control them.
He had to stop work several times and his life was grinding to a halt as he avoided as much as he could and withdrew into his private world of pain.
The reason I’m telling you all this is to show you the amazing power of attention. The technique is simple — distraction…
Attention is where your power is. Attention is the volume control for thoughts — as I’ve told him a thousand times.
The “cure” lasted ten days. Ten days of almost complete normality with no sign of OCD. And it took only two days to go from gibbering wreck to happy and enthusiastic using only distraction. Amazing!
Old habits die hard
And his cure would have been permanent but for the fact that ten days later after burning the candle at both ends, he had some little twinges of anxiety that triggered the old way of thinking. Slowly for a further 4 days, he ramped the whole thing back up again.
Again, this has powerful lessons for all of us. “Old habits die hard” as the saying goes. After making changes, we need to be sure to bed them in well.
It’s like riding a bike
“This OCD” I tell him, “is just like riding a bike. You’ll always be able to do it. Just DON’T GET ON THE BIKE.” Unfortunately he did — despite the most severe warnings. I talk to him for hours and hours and hours. “I can’t do this without you,” he says.
The truth is that all this talking is really unnecessary in the sense that it has only one purpose. To convince him that distraction IS the answer — to explain to him that his way can never work, and to get him to commit 100% to the simple method of distraction. Once he commits; two days. He is normal after two days. Twenty years of OCD gone.
If you stick your hand in the fire… it ALWAYS burns
So… round and round we go. As I speak he’s fallen back into the old way. Now he needs me to talk him out because it’s very foggy in there. He can’t see his own way out. I hope and pray that this time he’s learned and he won’t need to stick his hand in the fire one more time to realize… IT ALWAYS BURNS!
Thoughts are… just thoughts
The lesson for you and me is that thoughts aren’t us. They are for the most part conditioned reactions that we believe in and identify with. Once you can see thoughts as just thoughts, you have the power to remove your attention from unwanted ones.
Now you have a choice — to pay attention or not. Whether it’s because you want to stop a bad habit or stop a thought loop about a girlfriend that just dumped you, the process is the same. Distract from thoughts you don’t want (ie. ignore them) and their power is gone.
The amazing power of attention
Once you know this simple process, you’ll find a thousand ways it can serve you. Someone says something hurtful? Distract. Worried about tomorrow? Distract. Craving unhealthy food? Distract.
This one simple technique ALONE can have a massive impact on your health and happiness because you always have choice. There is always a choice of where to put your attention. You can stop reacting to everything in the same old conditioned way — the way everyone else reacts — predictably.
Master the process
Now you make your decisions consciously. You are in charge — not old habits, old ways and the same old reactions. If distraction can end 20 years of misery in only 2 days, what can it do for you?
Learn and master the incredible power of attention and you’re going to get happier and happier.
It’s been 8 years I am searching for a cure. Just to tell you thank you so much, I started the attention (distraction) method and my OCD is fading away. Many thanks!!
— Jad, Canada
Update: I received this feedback from the friend I talked about in the article:
Sometimes there’s things you don’t want but it’s a reality. But I now know thinking can bring nothing but more suffering. I don’t do OCD anymore. Thanks to you. Love you brother x
— Paul Attwell, UK
Best wishes,
Michael Kinnaird
Happy Guide 
Hey Mike!
How’s it going? Long time no talk. I thought I’d just drop by here and say that I’m finally CURED of HOCD (and OCD altogether). In tandem with your methods from Happy Guide, I also underwent CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) in the form of ERP (Exposure & Response Prevention) with a therapist for 4.5 months. To truly beat HOCD, I had to confront my worst fears head on. Fight or flight simply doesn’t work, because doing so means presenting those unwanted thoughts as “red flags” to your brain. When something is presented as a red flag, your brain will naturally try to protect you as a defense mechanism by having you see it all the time to make you worry. But this is all faulty messaging being sent by the brain. Understanding that is one of the keys to curing oneself from OCD.
While I did suffer a lot from my HOCD, in hindsight, this whole ordeal made me stronger. I’m more confident, clear, and certain, in what I am than ever before. Yes, I AM a straight man, and always have been and will be. It’s simply not possible to become gay. There’s no “hidden” self to discover later on in life. Sexual orientation IS a biological fact determined at birth. There’s all this garbage on the internet of sexual orientation being fluid and being a choice. No, that’s not how it works at all. If that was really true, wouldn’t we be seeing straight people turning gay and vice versa? How come that never happens? Because it’s simply BS.
Anyways, life is good again! I’m able to enjoy it without any hindrances/inhibitions. It’s just fantastic. If anyone has any questions for me, I’d be more than happy to answer them :).
Ending_OCD
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Hiya Ending_OCD, great to hear from you, especially now you’re cured! Wooo hoooo! :-)
BINGO, absolutely true, what you fear you see everywhere. I’ve actually written about this here…
I see OCD as essentially dysfunctional fear which causes the mind to run the “fear program” in ways that evolved in nature with dangers like lions or whatever. It works well with those dangers, but not when we watch horror movies, or fear a thought (like “Am I gay?”!), or fear something we can’t escape from e.g. social situations.
So OCD develops and morphs in various forms of very unpleasant dysfunction as the sufferers tries to grapple with a natural function of the mind working dysfunctionally. And so it morphs into even more strangeness unless there is wise counsel around to explain what is happening, which can provide relief immediately and side-track a lot of the effects immediately just by providing that relief of understanding and a clear guide for what to do about it. All forms of OCD that James and I have helped people with are caused by dysfunctional fear.
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Hi mike, ocd isn’t really a problem anymore but something else is. I just always care so much about what people think about me. If an embarrassing moment happens in my life (which really doesn’t happen often, I’m a leader and people generally don’t embarrass leaders) but still it happens sometimes. And I just freak out about what the other people think about me but I don’t want to. So please tell me how to just not care about what people think about you, it would make my life so much easier
Thanks
Teddy
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Hi Teddy, I think it’s symptomatic of identification with thoughts and thus, an insecure sense of self. If you’re living the Happy Guide way, then you’ll be rooted in your true self, by always being aware of thoughts, and so not identifying with them. This is really the only way to have a secure sense of self, because to identify with any temporary status causes you to defend against threats to that precarious sense of self, and overly caring about what others think is part of that.
When you do feel secure in yourself, then you will feel free from the opinions of others, and be more light-hearted about everything really. Being rooted in your true self is a highly functional state, a state of wholeness, without the usual split between what is happening and your thoughts. Thoughts and action become aligned, united, authentic, integrated… you have true integrity.
This is really how you truly RE-PRESENT yourself.
So, a natural happy state, spontaneous, carefree is allowed by looking after your body and staying rooted, connected. The whole Happy Guide system is about creating that state. 99% of problems, including this one, have the same root causes.
So every moment, you stay in awareness of thoughts using the listening method and in this way, stay whole and aligned with yourself, not split. And then whatever thoughts come, or whatever happens, you notice it fully and let it go. If you notice that you got embarrassed, or that you cared a lot about someone’s opinion, then you just notice that, and then go back in the highly alert state of wholeness that means you respond in the best way possible anyway.
The solution to any dysfunction created by loss of consciousness… i,e, ego, a false sense of self, is to simply become more conscious, to separate yourself OFF from thoughts.
It’s very freeing to not become your thoughts, to not see self in them, to see them for what they are. Follow the Live in the Moment chapter and the rest too, so that your body is at its best and your stay free of attachment to thoughts.
Bringing the light of AWARENESS to thought habits, patterns, ego, etc is the way to move past them. Awareness is like a fire that burns off anything that isn’t really you.
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I came to this website and i think in case of OCD and pure O Ocd. i am completely agree with your thinking Michael. The most big problem for ocd and pure o ocd is to let this thoughts for what they are. I think in my case , i had pure o ( still have but less ) is to let that thoughts and feelings go. Once i think you reach that target to let the thought go you are free of OCD and pure o ocd. I think you can only reach this target by distraction. In my case when i am on holiday and i have distraction i have no problem of Pure o anymore and how do this come? Distraction you are on holiday.
The problem i still have Michael is how can we keep these unwanted thoughts as normal. I mean when can we reach that point so that do not bother me.
I always talk to my friend and he had no ocd but he tells me i have also sometimes aggressive thoughts but they not interesting me. They make me no anxious, they do not bother me. You see if you ask to other people everyone have unwanted thoughts but they do not stuck on it. I think that the anxious/guilty level of someone make the sense if you stuck on unwanted thoughts.
If you are anxious ( in my case i am an anxious/sensitive person ) the chance is bigger to stuck on unwanted thoughts with the result that you can get OCD.
I look when i walk on the street , why to this people do not have unwanted thoughts because i think they are not focused on it.
I think and i asked to all the bloggers here, look when you became an ocd or pure ocd sufferer. In most cases i think in a difficult , stressed are down period. In this period you are sensitive to negative feelings and once you are struggle on in it became obsessive.
So i can understand that an antidepressant could help at that moment to control OCD but you need to work on it , distraction , distraction , distraction so that your brain can rewired. Once your brain is rewired with positive distraction OCD is cured.
What do you think Michael ? is my way of thinking correct?
Greeting Rudi
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Yes Rudi, I think you are correct. Very insightful. The key is consistency, to keep having a don’t care attitude and ignore them, just the same way you do with anything you don’t care about. As you say, other people are having unwanted thoughts but they are not giving them meaning, or looking for meaning, they are just shrugging them off. Once fear, trauma, feeling out-of-control comes into the picture, it’s harder because the mind functions differently with fear. BUT the answer is still the same… you use intelligence to override the fear, because you see it has no value. These articles will be helpful to you…
https://happy.guide/2011/12/07/irrational-fear/ This explains how the mind works differently when there is fear.
https://happy.guide/2013/12/11/big-picture-unwanted-thoughts/ A lot of detail about the whole issue of unwanted thoughts, e.g. what to do with lingering thoughts, the lifestyle connection, your mood, etc.
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Hi Michael,
I am having a trouble sometimes when trying to distract.Yesterday When I was trying to distract I couldn’t So I told to myself that sitting mediatation will improve the distraction.don’t worry.meditate tommorrow and it will be corrected and I tried to feel How meditation will .I was saying this to me again and again.However When today morning I tried to meditate I felt this way you will be addicted to meditation as you were not able to distract with the situation at that time and just telling about meditation.And felt very negative about meditating because it will be a addiction.Then I wanted to meditate so I tried to assure myself that but meditation will only improve your control and i should meditate and then I thought I should have rather controlled myself that time and distracted well without thinking about meditation and tried to feel what should have happned etc and then those various unwanted thoughts in between and all.Meditation should be a help and not that becomes addiction.Faced very much difficulty in trying to convince myself to meditate and meditated.Now after that I was again struck into some thoughts when coming to office so I again thought in the end that meditation will take care.However got to remember the morning situtation so I thought just distract without thinking about meditation.I felt its good to not think about meditation and just distract.However Now I am anxious about the thing that dificulty that happened in morning about meditation negativity was good and due to that only I am able to think about not getting meditation in between and trying to distract.its only after the urge to think about that thing you are getting benifitted and this thing will keep happening.What should I do or think now?Please help urgently.
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Also I try to establish the fact in between that I had not benefitted due to this and how i would have handled the situation very well if this negative feeling about meditation had not happened or what would have i done.its all rubbish.
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Hi Vaibhav,
You will certainly come to love, even crave meditation, because it becomes like an oasis of calm in contrast to an out-of-control mind, the monkey-mind, always jumping about. Simply set the intention to meditate every morning… 20 or 30 minutes a day will have an amazing effect, and all you need to do is stay consistent with it, whatever happens in your life, whether one day you feel calm and another, stormy, you just keep consistent with your practice.
Now in life, you are aiming to get into a natural flow state by making everything meditation, whatever you are doing, you simply do it with full awareness, with a quiet mind, aware of thoughts that pop. If a rubbish thought comes, you simply ignore it. Since at the moment, you are having a lot of mind-chatter, nearly all thoughts are to be let go of. So you give full attention to what you are doing, not split minded, notice thoughts, let them go. Useful ones will be obvious and you will notice that the quieter your mind gets, the more useful thoughts are… the mind starts to function naturally and harmoniously again and thoughts come with surprising impeccable timing.
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HI
Micahel.I don’t know but i am feeling that i don’t have any particular obsessions as such for washing hands,checking gas,or trying to come out of any particular sexual obsession.Its just that I when get into some special feeling then I suddenly looses control of my moment and don’t know what i am doing.Then feel sexual images ,sometimes keep washing hands as i loose or forget what i did just before and how.So try to feel that i was ok in that moment and things were ok but can’t as i lost control of the present situation.The wierd feeling is generally the result of doubt or guilt because I doubt myself of the thing thats i am doing.For eg. I was following your advice of don’t care and ignore but 1) couldn’t continue because i was having lot trouble in ignoring things.sometimes i felt as if i am only trying to ignore by thinking,and was feeling good but i got doubt that the method I am following is not good.Then the doubt and mental rituals of i am doing it right or not.Then I thought that only way to ignore thing is not about mental but doing things and got guilt that i am doing it wrong way by ignoring by thinking.Then thought ignoring in thinking is important as it is the first thing you can do and rather I can improve my method.But then again and again feeling not a good way etc. and trying to debate and trying to impose feelings of wrong and right and the best way.In such situations i gets stuck completely if i do not get any solution as I feel I couldn’t follow the advice and couldn’t continue to ignore and don’t care as I am not able to don’t care this particular feeling as I feel high importance about this feeling and tries to sort out and continue.Also as I try to ask things from you about these I feel that I know and its just my obsession that is causing all these things and if i get any help from you I will be forced about such important perfections and I will need to make attention to such feelings.Otherwise I just need to ignore whatever.and that can be first done by mental attitude.But my thoughts and urges were driving me crazy.After that lot of lot of things and sometimes felt the thing is important sometimes not.and the whole process may involve a lot of detachment from my present and those wierd behaviours.
Now After I have a doubt that I am following your advice for ocd but i am not.So your advice of ignoring,meditaion is not going to work and i am doing wrong.Then I also try to establish that I am an ocd or not or what I need to do etc etc.I also thought that whatever I can always try your advice first and then if its not working then go with the things of asking from you.And highly doubtful weather I am supposed to ask from you or not blah blah.I think I am completely detached from reality again and need someone to make me understand things.
So I need advice from you weather its ocd or not or if not or if yes should i still follow your advice of meditation and ignoring things or should I not follow any advice.Again I am feeling stuck in circle as the only thing i know is to ignore things but I am again doubtful about that particular thing and I need advice from you what I need to do ?should I continue ignoring and mediatation or what?
I think I will not be able to sign the pact with myself because I am having doubt about weather i am having the illness in order to choose your mechanism or if yes should I have clear don’t care attitude in my mind or have to have something etc.
Most importantly I have to write this post after lot of thinking,mentally ignoring and trying to satisfy that I don’t need to write anything to you as I can sign the pact but couldn’t due to the doubt weather i require it or not,then lot of mental rituals of if I got the right answers from you then I may have to again fall into a thinking loop or after writing this I had to satisfy myself why I wrote this.Also I don’t require to ask anything from you.Actually I am quite confused satisfying myself my anxieties,preventing my thoughts,feelings etc. for this particular doubt weather I am ocd or not or do i actually require to adhere to the guidelines of ignoring thoughts.I am also having fear while posting this that after posting I will be relieved of a huge tension,the doubt but then I may have to fall in a thinking loop of why it happened and weather it was required or not.Why you got relieved of tension by just writing a post and able to carry on and even ignore and meditate just after writing the post that means it was just plain doubt and obsession but then I again try to establish that I can ignore and meditate without even writing the post.
And try the thing.Lot of confusion and doubt.Also tell me What should I do in such situations?
I am anxious,confused trying mentally lot of things and also tell me did i really required to ask this thing from you?or i could have continued ignoring and meditation.
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Full on loss of awareness, the opposite of what you’re aiming for. But the awareness of the loss of consciousness is actually good… you notice you lost it. The trick is to set your intention to notice what pops into your mind. That means an alert presence. It’s very simple in theory. In practice it takes time to master but with time, your awareness and sense of self become extremely stable, and your mind functions better, naturally. The clear mind is connected to the unconscious, and allows the unconscious to flow properly… even when you talk to someone for example, the clearer this connection, the better your words will be. Just giving this example to illustrate that the unconscious is where it happens, you don’t consciously formulate a flow of words, they form from the unconscious to the conscious. The less mind-chatter going on; separation or resistance to the unconscious flow, then the better you will function as a whole person.
Behaviors like this are about relief from the feeling of being out of control. They work in the context of the dysfunction in giving a little temporary relief because they can anchor a known state, are meditative in nature, and allow you to “reset” by shifting focus onto a habit flow and away from disturbing mental activity. By practicing awareness, you essentially remove the need for relief by staying IN relief, all the time.
Knowing clearly the solutions I am giving you in itself will give a lot of relief if you can “get it.” Knowing the clear path out of hell — what a relief to understand clearly you are on that path, that the path is right and works, even if you aren’t out yet, just knowing it is coming and coming fast will get rid of much stress. Being in pain but not knowing how to relieve yourself of pain adds another layer of pain.
The process is simple: Give full attention to what you are doing with a quiet mind. Notice a thought pop, simply notice it, return to your doing with a quiet mind. Your mind is very disturbed so the more disturbed, the greater the need for meditation. If a thought seems important then you have to find a way to release it… what is the outcome you want? Is there anything you can DO now, later? If not, set it for review so you can release it. If there is no obvious solution, then setting for review allows the mind to relax into a state where solutions can come as inspired thoughts. When you feel out-of-control as you do, then first urgent need is for a clear, stable “no-mind.” That is achieved by an alert “listening,” watching. You are not to do anything with thoughts generally during the settle period other than stay alert and simply notice, with high intensity. If you want mud to settle in a pond, first, stop stirring.
Most problems are all in the mind, created by thinking. If nothing bad happens if there is no thought, then the problem only exists in the mind. E.g. if I ignore the lion, he might eat me = real problem. What happens if your thoughts disappear? Is there still a problem? If not, you can safely ignore all thoughts to cause them to disappear off your radar in time.
When we create turmoil and fear enters as we feel loss of control, a downward spiral can happen that is very unpleasant. Fear itself causes the mind to function in ways that are not conducive to calm, rational, functional thinking. Begin with an intense “reset.”
Doubt itself is an obstacle, preventing full effort to practicing “flow” and intense listening to thoughts popping/meditation. Doubts should ideally be addressed and moved through, although faith can ignore doubt. I.e. if you have faith in the method and see doubt as only part of the dysfunction, the faith trump doubt. If not, then doubt should be addressed to allow you to ignore. It’s hard to ignore what you see as important, and urgent, and threatening. So faith would be “Ah, someone whose opinion I totally trust sees this better than I do, so I will just follow that, and then get the result, which will prove I was right to trust.” Doubt has to be defeated one way or the other… by new understanding (often difficult in OCD because the dysfunction is deeply rooted and feels real) or faith/trust.
I don’t know enough about your specific case to comment, so can only talk generally about these things. Meditation is one of the most powerful transformation methods because it essentially allows you to step out of identification and belief in thoughts. Ignoring what you don’t want to be there, is valid, OCD or not. If the problem disappears if the thought is gone, you can safely ignore.
Yes, continue. Keep coming back to a quiet mind, make that your stable “home.” Then you won’t get too lost, and lose the present moment.
What stops you letting go of what you are holding, making it disappear, not there? The answer to that will reveal the fear or dysfunction that needs understanding or faith applied to it to release it.
Ues, it can be hard to “sign the pact.” Can I really ignore the thing my mind says is HIGHLY important? This is what I call reaching the point of letting go. “Signing the pact” is done at that point i.e. “I am now ready and feel safe to totally ignore all this and make it not there.”
You can’t be happy if you feel there is a “problem” that needs solving. That has to be resolved so that you can let it go. You have to reach that point. See… what happens if you were unable to think any thought about your issue… does anything bad happen? What is the outcome you want? What can you do? What prevents you ignoring every single thought about it from now on? If you can’t let go or think of a solution, then can you set it for review in a week, a month? How can you let go? What needs to be in place… a doubt resolved, a new understanding, a trusting, a setting for review, a clarity of outcome or intent? Work it so that you can release it for good by finding out what is stopping you. Often with OCD, the dysfunction is complex and needs an outside therapist to see and explain how the dysfunction is cyclical, fed by thinking and anxiety. Your case though, appears simpler, but if you cannot see it, cannot reach the point of letting go yourself, then get help from a therapist who can move you to the point of letting go.
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Hi Michael
I tried meditating your way but having a bit difficulty.I was in office and was trying to meditate listening to songs.But then I was running with thoughts that you are meditating because this thought that means this thought will remain in you even after you feel good and meditated because you become more foccused as this thought pops in.Secondly I suddenly got that thought that there is work pending and you are suposed to do that though i didn’t wanted to give a shit about work at that time but it was urging and highly logical and saying me meditation should not be done here.its bad.do your work.Then I kept thinking how I should have avoided that particular thought.Then some sexual images and then again I thought how I should meditate without the work etc. to get out of all these shit but then the feeling again that you did this because you got sexual thoughts and got more focussed on meditating.so meditation is because of these thought and now you are doing your work due to that work thought only.You are writing due to the urge given by the thoughts.What should I think or do in this case.
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Hi Vaibhav,
The listening method can be used for extended and intense sit-down meditation, or anywhere, any time for a few seconds to stay centered in awareness, stay boss of the mind. As you are now separated from thoughts, you begin to see them as “not me” over time, as you continue.
And you begin to see that a lot of what comes is just madness, so being “not me” is good! Seeing the madness means you simply let go of what is not useful. The mad thoughts are due to momentum of past thoughts but as you continue, as I said, the mind comes into a natural functioning, a wholeness.
In the book, it mentions flow as meditation in action, so whatever you are doing can be meditation. You center in awareness, then focus on the task, and there is a natural flow that happens when the mind is not split between what you are doing and what you are thinking… thought and action become one happening, like the example of the child playing I give in the book.
So as you continue, you see all the old thoughts, the mad thoughts, they have no meaning, they are just rubbish, static, easily let go of. At first, you may still be looking for meaning, but as you persist, you really start to see thoughts for what they are and so they lose their sting… you remain rooted in awareness, stable, centered.
You can use listening for the next thought to pop in all the in between moments, and use your activities to practice flow, meditation in action. Please read the book, all this is explained in there.
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