I often write about my friend who has “OCD” — obsessive compulsive disorder. Because the issues he faces are the same ones we all face.
His are just more extreme, more obsessive but they’re the same. Just two days after giving his full effort to just one simple technique he called me…
“I’m cured,” he said.
This was after months of severe anxiety states. He was shaking a lot of the time, sweating heavily at night. His thoughts were racing constantly and he couldn’t control them.
He had to stop work several times and his life was grinding to a halt as he avoided as much as he could and withdrew into his private world of pain.
The reason I’m telling you all this is to show you the amazing power of attention. The technique is simple — distraction…
Attention is where your power is. Attention is the volume control for thoughts — as I’ve told him a thousand times.
The “cure” lasted ten days. Ten days of almost complete normality with no sign of OCD. And it took only two days to go from gibbering wreck to happy and enthusiastic using only distraction. Amazing!
Old habits die hard
And his cure would have been permanent but for the fact that ten days later after burning the candle at both ends, he had some little twinges of anxiety that triggered the old way of thinking. Slowly for a further 4 days, he ramped the whole thing back up again.
Again, this has powerful lessons for all of us. “Old habits die hard” as the saying goes. After making changes, we need to be sure to bed them in well.
It’s like riding a bike
“This OCD” I tell him, “is just like riding a bike. You’ll always be able to do it. Just DON’T GET ON THE BIKE.” Unfortunately he did — despite the most severe warnings. I talk to him for hours and hours and hours. “I can’t do this without you,” he says.
The truth is that all this talking is really unnecessary in the sense that it has only one purpose. To convince him that distraction IS the answer — to explain to him that his way can never work, and to get him to commit 100% to the simple method of distraction. Once he commits; two days. He is normal after two days. Twenty years of OCD gone.
If you stick your hand in the fire… it ALWAYS burns
So… round and round we go. As I speak he’s fallen back into the old way. Now he needs me to talk him out because it’s very foggy in there. He can’t see his own way out. I hope and pray that this time he’s learned and he won’t need to stick his hand in the fire one more time to realize… IT ALWAYS BURNS!
Thoughts are… just thoughts
The lesson for you and me is that thoughts aren’t us. They are for the most part conditioned reactions that we believe in and identify with. Once you can see thoughts as just thoughts, you have the power to remove your attention from unwanted ones.
Now you have a choice — to pay attention or not. Whether it’s because you want to stop a bad habit or stop a thought loop about a girlfriend that just dumped you, the process is the same. Distract from thoughts you don’t want (ie. ignore them) and their power is gone.
The amazing power of attention
Once you know this simple process, you’ll find a thousand ways it can serve you. Someone says something hurtful? Distract. Worried about tomorrow? Distract. Craving unhealthy food? Distract.
This one simple technique ALONE can have a massive impact on your health and happiness because you always have choice. There is always a choice of where to put your attention. You can stop reacting to everything in the same old conditioned way — the way everyone else reacts — predictably.
Master the process
Now you make your decisions consciously. You are in charge — not old habits, old ways and the same old reactions. If distraction can end 20 years of misery in only 2 days, what can it do for you?
Learn and master the incredible power of attention and you’re going to get happier and happier.
It’s been 8 years I am searching for a cure. Just to tell you thank you so much, I started the attention (distraction) method and my OCD is fading away. Many thanks!!
— Jad, Canada
Update: I received this feedback from the friend I talked about in the article:
Sometimes there’s things you don’t want but it’s a reality. But I now know thinking can bring nothing but more suffering. I don’t do OCD anymore. Thanks to you. Love you brother x
— Paul Attwell, UK
Best wishes,
Michael Kinnaird
Happy Guide 
Hi mike,
So recently I was doing something, and I got very anxious about how people would Judge me about this thing. Now I’m not even anxious about how people would judge me but for some reason I’m still “anxious about being anxious” pretty much that anxiety when I experienced first when thinking about this thing and worrying about how people would judge me went away shortly, but then I thought “am I still anxious?” And got this weird almost semi anxiety feeling. Now a day later I still get anxious whenever I think “anxiety” and I really don’t know why! I’m not anxious about that subject anymore and i shouldn’t have to be anxious about anything I don’t want to be anxious about anything and I am not anxious about anything but whenever I think “anxiety” or “are you anxious” I get this weird feeling in my stomach but it’s not even anxiety it’s just this weird knot type of thing. But then I worry if it is anxiety and then I freak because I read something online about general anxiety disorder and then I worry about having that but I DONT and I know I don’t!
Please help, I really don’t know how to approach this and how to fix it.
Thanks,
Teddy
LikeLike
Hi Teddy, I’m James, Mike’s brother. The problem is circular: you’re anxious about being anxious. There is no “real” problem here. What I mean by that is, if you hadn’t had the thought, nothing bad would have happened. The only problem is thinking, and then becoming anxious about your thoughts.
The answer is to master your attention in the short term, and remove the conditions for anxiety in the long-term. Check out this article for help with “living in the moment” ie. not being dragged along by thoughts and ideas…
In the long run, issues such as anxiety and unwanted thoughts are symptoms of a lifestyle this is currently not entirely geared towards health and happiness — something somewhere is lacking, or causing stress, or worry.
Check out the Happy Guide book (only takes about an hour to read) for how to correct the conditions of your life, so that these types of issues don’t occur. By the way, labels such as “general anxiety disorder” are unhelpful and irrelevant here. You’re experiencing anxiety — all you need to focus on are the solutions :-)
LikeLike
Hi mike, I’m having ocd from past 5 years and my problem is getting scared of ghosts. I no that they don’t exist but I used to get the images of burnt faces and skeletons when I used to sleep. I started getting to see shadows on the wall which made me feel it is real and used to get scared to leave alone at home. I had sleepless nights when visited d psychiatrist I was diagnosed to have ocd. Because I used to get this thoughts of someone will touch me or pull my hair. And sometimes I used feel like that in real. I used to feel that someone is following me if I used walk on the street and also if I make an eye contact with a gentlemen on the road I would think that what if that person thinks I’m interested in him. I get some silly doubts like if there s some red spot on the wall for example I think it should some blood stain which is done by a ghost or if d tap is leaking suddenly in d morning wen I woke today I got dis doubt like why is it leaking who opened d tap. I stay with my husband and newly married and he knows my problem and he s really upset. I’m not able to be active always lost in this thoughts. I don’t feel like doing meditation. I’m always sad can’t discuss with anyone. When I try to ignore the thoughts it keeps repeating in mind and causes fear. Though I no this is silly. Currently I’m on medication and it is of no help. Please help me. I don’t no if I will be ever cured.
LikeLike
Hi Swetha,
Don’t worry, I’ve seen people turn this type of thing around many times now :-) First things first, be careful what you feed your mind. Don’t watch programs and movies that are designed to shock you — for example horror movies and the news.
In the short term, here are some great tips for removing fear “in the moment”, mainly through distraction and changing your “state”…
In the longer term, it’s important to understand how our minds work, in relation to fear. This article was written from the point of view of explaining irrational fear of things like zombies, but actually it applies to fear generally. This is about understanding the process of fear and being able to remove meaning and attention “in the moment”…
Finally, this article gives a brilliant run-down of all factors involved with unwanted thoughts and related emotions, and tells you what to do…
It’s very important to get our whole lifestyle right, so that the conditions for happiness are put in place. When all the factors aren’t there in our lives, problems show up in one form or another. A simple food intolerance or nutritional deficiency for example, can cause anxiety and dysfunctional thinking. Ideas of chasing success and status mean we can live our lives in a state of almost constant low-level stress. As you can imagine, it’s a short hop from that state to the type of issue you’ve described.
I hope this helps Swetha. Please have a read of those articles and if there’s anything you’re not absolutely crystal clear about, just let me know :-)
Best wishes,
James
LikeLike
Thanks for your reply. But I have doubt about distracting when a thought comes should I have to start doing some other activity and should I have start thinking a different thing. If I do this then I kind of get confused if I’m suppressing it. And the thought keeps lingering in my mind though I do another activity sometimes it stays for days to fade out. For example there was big white spot on the tap in the bathroom and my mind gets the doubt like where did this spot come from and did I drop the paste while brushing. These kind of thoughts keeps irritating me and becomes more when I’m using bathroom. My mind tells me to look at it and sometimes tells don look at it. It keeps playing. I get sooo frustrated. No one likes to listen to the silly things I experience. What should I do about it. Distracting will be successful sometimes and after sometime the same thought comes back. People ask me to change my lifestyle like get up early in the morning do yoga and meditation. Go for a walk and eat right. But somewhere I feel these thoughts make me lost and gives no interest do anything. I need to force myself to do some work. Please advice.
LikeLike
Your mind will keep showing you what you tell it is important, with your attention.
If you react with indifference to something, this communicates to your mind that it’s unimportant. Currently, your mind is trying to put your attention back on things that you told it were important via your attention and sense of meaning. Then, when that happens, you become frustrated because it’s not what you want. Frustration is the opposite of indifference, and so the problem builds.
Sometimes, as you’ve described, thoughts can linger because of all the attention and sense of importance they’ve previously received. Please have another read of this article Swetha, particularly the “lingering thoughts” section…
Again, it’s important to re-iterate that your current diet and lifestyle is creating the CONDITIONS for this type of issue to show up. I promise you that when you’re happy, healthy, living in the moment, these kinds of problems simply don’t happen. So although you can fight for control of your attention, and you can certainly get relief that way if you’re successful, it’s an uphill battle if your whole lifestyle is creating the conditions for this issue to show up.
The answer is to change those conditions by changing what you do every single day. The people who are telling you to correct your lifestyle are absolutely right — perhaps not with the specific details, but addressing your whole lifestyle is absolutely the answer. In fact it’s the only true solution. If you want to shortcut all the information-gathering about what is healthy, what works etc, please get the book. It only takes an hour to read and lays it all out for you.
LikeLike
Hi mike,
My last post I talked about how I don’t real have problems with ocd anymore and am almost 100% cured but I’m ridiculously self conscious, always worrying if I’m leading something (because I want to be a leader, or talking enough (because I want to be known as a talkative person) if I’m looking happy enough (because I want people to see me as a fun and happy person) this list could go on for ages. The problem is I’m always trying to be all these things so I’m really self conscious I can never be a free flowing self. And I know that before all this ocd and self consciousness my old self was great and people loved me (and I mean it’s not like they don’t now or anything) but I just can’t get back to that old great self.
And I don’t know how to because like I don’t remember directly and perfectly what is was I mean I’ve had this for like a year now and I can’t, you know EXACTLY pinpoint what my old self was
Like.
All in all, I just need to stop being self conscious and I really don’t know how to be, so please help
Thanks a ton,
Teddy
LikeLike
“The problem is I’m always trying to be all these things so I’m really self conscious I can never be a free flowing self.”
Yeah, so stop it. Just be yourself. Let all that stuff go, and have a quiet mind. THAT is where you can flow, where you are present without thought, and then you respond FROM who you really are, naturally and effortlessly. You know this works better, because now you have experience of both states…. one where you are relaxed and happy, not trying to control, and now trying to BE something unnatural.
A mind empty of thoughts means a clear and open connection to the unconscious which ALLOWS flow. The conscious mind can’t even string a sentence together. Let yourself work properly, clear and open, see what happens.
In social situations, simply be present and interested in what is happening right now i.e. attention is external, listening to people etc., and drop all ideas of what you think you should be. Then you will flow. So whenever that self-conscious feeling comes, ignore it, and put attention and interest again to what is happening.
LikeLike
In social situations, simply be present and interested in what is happening right now i.e. attention is external, listening to people etc., and drop all ideas of what you think you should be. Then you will flow. So whenever that self-conscious feeling comes, ignore it, and put attention and interest again to what is happening.
LikeLike
Hi Mike
One more query As i try to think backwards sometime what happened then as i try to think thing for these matters I feel like not thinking (I write also) and unwanted thought.Then As I go ahead I feel as if i came here and unwanted thought otherwise i would not have came here.But i keep feeling the thought.But then I again take up the issue where the thought started and tell my mind it was ok . and suddenly the thought disappears.Then I also think all things were like this and i am satisfied and the thought is gone.I quite can’t get the logic.
also when I try to leave all these things I feel like ok i can leave the understanding of logic.
But I also feel its important to understand.Then perhaps i feel like i am asking it just because of pressure on me and due to intrisive thoughts SO i want to leave .But still as I want to go ahead I keep feeling the intrusive thought.and the urge to ask.
LikeLike
It can help to reach the point of letting go if you understand, and most people want to know, but I won’t be able to get into that with you on a blog post. It’s not actually necessary, as I said before, that falls under the category of seeing the dysfunction yourself, and so understand that letting go is the best thing you could do.
It’s not needed if you just trust, or if you set the whole problem for review. The thing that is going to WORK, is remove all ATTENTION. So a simple way is to say “Right I will not think about this at all for a week.” That space allows you to let go of attention to anxiety creating thoughts, and so you relax, and so you see the whole thing was just created by a vicious circle.
We are naturally wired to focus MORE attention to what we fear, so this natural instinct causes OCD sufferers to withdraw so they can spend more time thinking about the problem. That works in nature where the thing we fear is lions, it doesn’t work so well with most of what comes in modern life.
The OPPOSITE is what you actually need, to remove attention and get your mind OFF it.
Set the whole thing for review in a week, and in that week, quickly shift attention AWAY from all thoughts about it. Then you will be able to return to a calm state and be able to function normally again. It’s hard at first because of the momentum you have built up, but be clear; no attention for a week, and remove attention from everything to do with it. See what happens.
LikeLike
Oh… the masturbation is about stress relief in this situation. Anxiety is a powerful and unpleasant experience, and masturation is a powerful and pleasant experience so you are using it to change your state, for relief from stress. Meditation will be a more useful intervention for you when you feel anxious. Then as soon as you feel your mind “going there” and a twinge of anxiety, you can pull your mind OFF, and center yourself again. Use the listening method and get really good at being centered, alert, quiet. That is the ultimate stability.
LikeLike
Hi MIke
I again fell into a trap today.Today I got woke up in the morning as I was in a thinking loop of one thing that hurt me .
Then it took almost thre ours to feel nothing important just leave.However after that I thought of my annoying office and annpying manager and timing as
I wanted to sleep and sleep.and was feeling good last night so as to keep feeling good by ignoring thing.
ACtually I had ben grilled by manager to not coming office in time and taking leaves.so I felt pressurized that today i cant take leave or be late.
But i woke up due to my office timings,Then In the bathroom kept thinking how stressful it is going to office today only due manager pressure office pressure in such stresful situation of no sleep and scope of improvement of my disorder
today.etc .
SO i felt stressful that I will go office and how it will be difficult for me and do something.But in the meantime I was also having this thing that I can avoid office.and I began to masturbate I don’t thinking office thing ans stress and decision to be made
Then I again masturbated,Then I again masturbated.feeling guilt stess again and again.However Inthe end It was all ruined up.I felt dirty and felt What is this thing.
ANd then tried relive the situation of going to office stress and thinking what decision sould have been made.THen was feling I can always leave office for my health.
But tried feeling no It was stressful but still i would have decided to go office.At this point I was quite stuck that I would have decided to go office even after stress.
thinking other factors also etc etc.Then also guilt that office stressd is not good at this time you just focus on healthThen I try to feel again that no matter still people go ofc in stress and
my decision wasd this.and I would have decided something.Then in between all this I got into cleaning loop as i masturbated making things dirty.I cleaned thingsd a lot also getting late for office in betweenand thinking
what should have been done an what should I do.And in between getting ready for office.also but thinking again and again what was my decisin and what it could be now.Then thinkig its already late
and nothing will benfit going office so late.SO i should go.THen still confused feling guilt that I only wanted to go office on stress ans thtas the problem and not going in stress would have been benficial for me
But to only avoid myself and as if avoiding this thing completely because I feel fear as I dont want “not going office” and getting pressurized for not going office.That from my past experience result in very wierd behavious
from thta defficult to go ahead.SO i felt only due to fear I am avoiding this “not going office” otherwise I its better not to go.But then I kept preparing myself for office and came.However feeling
in all this and still what I did and what I needed to do feeling guilt etc. etc. in between of coming to office.and giving value to managers and office cicumstances.
But still feeling How I could have even came in office if that was my decision.and continued.Trying to satisfy from all paths not knowing what hapned.Disconnected,split,dont know what was that
ANd was having urge to think what happened and having anxiousness stress on myself.
When i was trying to think I thought may be the situations changed and my decision was changed but as I try to think this I feel thta means unwanted thoughts also affect the situatin changed
and hence got stressful that unwanted also changes situations andmy decisions I will have to accept that.But i tried avoiding this thing but thought to think that for a moment of time.
Then Inthe end is complex due to all this and became more complex due to avoiding thinking “that my decision was changed due to situation change” and feeling more complexified.
That
How should I tackle such situations.
or Do i dont need to tackle such situations.
ALso try to feel before posting a mental satisfaction as why i need to post this and why i need to post.and how i am posting without any unwanted thought and actually i had to post
so i am posting.
I dont know whats that hapening.
LikeLike
I can’t advise you about whether to go to the office, as I don’t know enough about your situation to comment. I can only talk in general terms about thoughts and behavior with OCD.
Anxiety is about the future, what could happen, and not about what is happening right now. And this fight or flight state is not a state where you can find answers to your problems easily because it’s a state optimized for fighting or running away, not for clear thinking.
So if you get into the habit of thinking thoughts that create fight or flight in you, then you are trapped in a vicious circle. This is the whole cause of OCD, a vicious circle of anxiety, thoughts, and unpleasant experiences that keep feeding each other endlessly.
The way out is to stop thinking the anxious thoughts, keep bringing your mind back to the present moment by focusing all your attention on what you are doing with a quiet mind.
Now if you can get clear about the daily habits you need to keep everything ticking over nicely, so that everything is taken care of automatically, this will free your mind from worry, because it’s all in your list, your daily routine is clear. So you can relax.
Have you read the book yet?
LikeLike