How to talk to people

© Scion Cho

You worry about how to talk to people — what you will say, how they will react and so on…

Let go of this as a problem. Stop worrying about it, stop thinking about it. When someone is talking, simply listen. Give them all your attention. The right words will come if you stay relaxed and don’t become tense.

If you think of this as a problem you’ll automatically become tense and then you can’t be spontaneous.

It’s all about awareness — of what they are saying, of what you are feeling as a result, of how you are reacting. Awareness alone changes things…

Getting into a regular meditation habit will make a huge difference… Meditate by focusing on what you’re doing and being aware of every thought that pops. You will begin to notice shifts in how you relate and how people relate to you.

If you stay relaxed and open, people will be open with YOU. If you have judgements, false identifications, problems, tensions, people will be judgemental and tense around you…

How people talk to you and act around you is largely dictated by what you have allowed them to be in the past, what you are allowing them to be now. Allow them to be anything they choose.

In time, you will find you do not REact to anything but ACT. This is the ultimate freedom. Reaction is just habit, ego. Action is freedom, choice.

For over 20 years now I have found meditation to be the cure for ego — the core dysfunction. Thinking, which should rightly be a simple function like walking, has become a monster.

Like most “problems” we have there is no quick fix. Very rarely is there a single “pill for your ill” — one single remedy, because everything affects everything else. The solution is to put yourself right in all areas. Your relationships will get better when you get better.

Put the causes of health and happiness in place, be the best you can be. Change yourself and your relationships and everything else will follow.

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Michael Kinnaird is the author of Happy Guide, the result of a 20 year exploration into what works for health and happiness.

Read Chapter 1 “The Happiness Secret”
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Best wishes,
Michael Kinnaird

3 thoughts on “How to talk to people

  1. Hello Luv,

    Thanks for the compliments, we’re delighted you’re finding the website so helpful. I think you’re referring to this bit…

    “In time, you will find you do not REact to anything but ACT. This is the ultimate freedom. Reaction is just habit, ego. Action is freedom, choice.”

    What Mike is referring to is the freedom of thought and choice that healthy living, meditation and openness brings… Let’s take a really extreme example to make the point. Let’s say a friend visits you, is all fired up about something and then suddenly insults you — and before you know what’s happened, you’ve punched him in the face. You just reacted, you just did it… there was no real choice. That’s a reaction. (a REaction)…

    The less reactive you are the more space you have to CHOOSE your thoughts and actions in any given moment. In this example, you may think “Wow, he must be really upset and having a really bad time to say something like that…” Now you CHOOSE your actions. Maybe you choose to say nothing for a few seconds to let him calm down. Then maybe you CHOOSE to calmy say “Wow, what’s wrong? Is everything ok? Talk to me.”

    Do you see the difference? And WHAT a difference!

    The first is just a reaction, where you have no real freedom to choose. Some people live nearly their whole lives “reactively” like this, bouncing from one situation and problem to another…

    Meditation and living a healthy lifestyle will give you precious distance from thoughts and situations… allowing you to constantly CHOOSE what you want to do and how you want to be… do you see?

    You’ll also just simply feel good all the time, which is really what it all boils down to… :-)

    Take care,


  2. Thnx for the site you made it really helpful for people like me. you write, ‘you act to people action not react’, what does it actually mean? i can’t understand.


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