What to do when you’re not happy with your life

© Dhammza

It can be so hard to figure out what to do when you’re not happy with your life — to get to the TRUE causes, the REAL reasons.

Maybe you arrived here with a specific health-related problem you’d like to solve.

Perhaps you’re overweight, suffering from depression or struggling for energy…

Or maybe you just feel generally dissatisfied, that you’re not getting the best out of life? Have you ever asked yourself…

“What am I doing wrong? What’s wrong with me? I just want to be happy. When did it get so HARD?”

If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you’re NOT alone…

There are a lot of frustrated, confused and depressed people out there. And the folks that know what a happy, healthy way of life looks like are struggling with how to change. And they’re struggling badly.

How about you?

Does your life feel like a giant game of whack-a-mole? When every time you solve one little problem, two or three more pop up in its place? You’re probably wondering when you stopped being in control of your own life. It’s a scary thought isn’t it?

A recent poll asked…

“Are you tired?”

And a large majority answered “Yes,” no matter what the time of day.

Our lifestyles are sending our quality of life spinning downwards…

We strive for a bigger house, but have less time for family. We’re so busy paying off the mortgage we miss out on quality time at home.

We have beloved friends that we hardly ever see.

We have children who grow up fast while we’re working.

We buy more “toys” but enjoy them less.

Life passes by while we work like mad to keep up

According to the British government, the average working parent spends twice as long dealing with email as playing with their children.

Something has gone horrendously wrong…

We’re so engrossed in “life” that we’re often too tired to look after our own happiness, to connect, to say “I love you” and “thank you.” Our daily tasks receive our best energy and our own quality of life gets the crumbs from the table.

That’s why you’re overweight, or lacking energy, or feeling depressed or (insert your own complaint here from a list of thousands…)

It’s because your current lifestyle is NOT geared towards creating vitality and happiness…

Deep down you’ve probably known this for a long time. If you feel life is passing you by, you need to do something soon. Otherwise you’re heading for painful regrets and heartbreak — at best. If you never have the time or energy to savor life, where does that leave you?

I’ll tell you where it leaves you: One day you’ll wake up and realize it’s too late.

And here’s a big clue that you need a course correction: You’re constantly trying to solve your problems, but you’re still struggling — years down the road.

Most people are living for a future that never arrives

And they don’t have the vitality to enjoy what they already have.

Think about your life.

Is THIS the life you’ve always wanted?

So what’s stopping you getting it?

For more than 20 years now Mike, the author of Happy Guide, has known that something very important has been missing from the field of “health and happiness.” And it’s something we all need.

A blueprint for life

A blueprint for a happy, healthy life should tell us two things — how to change and what to change.

How to change is of course, absolutely critical. How do you break your old habits, get organized and live a happy, energized way of life? How do you take back complete control? Amazingly, it’s a subject that’s been very rarely talked about. Until now :-)

Free chapter

Michael Kinnaird is the author of Happy Guide, the result of a 20 year exploration into what works for health and happiness.

Read Chapter 1 “The Happiness Secret”
Or get the paperback…

Keep in touch

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7 thoughts on “What to do when you’re not happy with your life

  1. I am 50 years old and my life seems to be getting worse every day. I have received two dui within five months of each. I am so unhappy I didn’t want to go home. And now with jail and house arrest and fines , my future looks even more bleak, so I wake up each day wondering what is the purpose of living.


    1. Hi Karen,

      I’m really sorry to hear that. But I can tell you that happiness has very clear causes. It’s too much to explain here so the best thing you can do right now is read Chapter1 of Happy Guide. It’s completely free, and you don’t need to read the rest of the book if you don’t want (although you’ll probably want to).

      The chapter is called “The Happiness Secret” and explains very clearly where we all go wrong, and what we need to correct. Just click this link to go to the home page and then on the book cover. Chapter1 should open.

      Mike and I spent many many years pinning down the exact causes of health and happiness, so the book is absolutely the best place to put your attention. And of course if you have any questions at all, please free to ask :-)

      Go to home page

      Best wishes,


  2. Hi to the “Happy Guide” people and thanks for helping us,
    I am trying my best to be happy in general. But please guide me on how to react when my spouse insults my parents regularly. He appreciates his entire family, but always downgrades my family, saying things like my parents are mean and poor etc. etc. I have told him to leave me and get a richer spouse, but he absolutely wont let me go. After every argument he constantly torments me with remarks and bullying. But I cant keep my cool when he says these things. I dont know how to stay happy and keep my nerves with his constant irritating remarks and a damaged family bonding (because my parents dont talk with him and neither does he talk with them). And I have no way to live separately from him (he has told me clearly that he wont divorce me). Please tell me a solution to this constant pull between two of my most important aspects of life: parents and marriage. I am desperate to get freedom from this hell.


    1. Hi “Tired”,

      I’m sorry to hear about your difficult situation. One thing that may help is to understand that all negative behavior is really a symptom of unhappiness, in some form. A perfectly happy, healthy person would never mistreat someone else. They would simply not feel any pull or urge to do so.

      Your spouse’s behavior shows that he is feeling bad (in terms of vitality) and/or is holding certain mental concepts that conflict with his actual reality. I don’t know your situation well but this could be a “status” thing — the feeling that somehow your family is “below” his. Of course, such things are purely constructs of the mind. No human being is more valuable or more worthy than any other. At its roots, this may not be his fault. We are all born into a very “mental” world and we tend to inherent the misplaced concepts of our parents and those around us.

      Although unpleasant, I hope this will help you to not “personalize” his treatment of you and your family quite as much. It’s helpful to know that his actions are symptoms of his overall state, which includes both his general vitality and any unhelpful beliefs and concepts he may be living “through”.

      Of course the actual behavior is unacceptable and disturbing. It’s not a situation you can allow to continue. I would try to talk to him. Ask him why he finds your family so distasteful. Try to stay calm and non-reactive. Be genuinely interested. That conversation will hopefully reveal any concepts or values that are coloring his experience of the world. They can then be addressed directly. If he repeatedly refuses to talk then you essentially have no relationship left.

      I was sorry to hear by your choice of words that you feel that you cannot leave him. This is never true, but people can certainly feel that way. A relationship should always be a choice. It should enhance both people’s lives. No-one should ever feel trapped. There must always be a way to walk away. Otherwise, one party is beholden to the other’s behavior for evermore, no matter how unacceptable.

      I hope this helps. Calm communication is the key. If that is simply impossible, then you must find a way to walk away. Please feel free to come back to me if needed.

      Best wishes,


  3. I was bullied in middle school. I know exactly what you are going through. I am 43 and I believe the bullying still affects me. I am shy towards strangers (especially women), I take all criticism to heart, and I have absolutely no self-confidence at all. All because of one girl bully (secretly I hope she is burning in hell… shhhh, dont tell anyone!).. anyway, my best advice is to fight back. I sat there and just took it, which makes a bully even more aggressive. I know it was the way I was raised… don’t rock the boat, don’t fight, be nice to everyone… All that got me was an entire school year being bullied. Now that i am a parent, trust me… FIGHT BACK… I will never let my kids just sit and take crap from a bully. As long as you don’t start the bullying, you should at least try to finish it. A lesson I still teach my kids: someone pushes you, you push back twice as fast and twice as hard… (works the same with a bully who is either verbal or physical).

    And also it’s important to remember (i realize this now.. many years too late) that a bully is someone who is not happy with him/her self. The only way they can be happy is to bring someone else down. Please please don’t let that person be you.


  4. i’m not too happy with my life because people are spreading bad rumors about me in school…i am in high school (a sophmore) and i am not with life at home :( what shoud i do????


    1. Hi Erin… well you certainly have asked the right question… “What to do?”

      It’s a difficult one to answer without knowing your situation in detail. These things have subtleties that would affect the advice given such as nature of the rumors, the relationships with the rumor-mongers, the back story to the whole thing and so-on.

      But off the top of my head some things you could do are…

      Talk to your school counselor in confidence, or your parents, or a wise friend.
      Just stop caring and let it blow over (depends).

      Even people your age are very aware of what people are like, and so if you’re a good person, and the trouble-makers aren’t, then everyone knows that. Whatever, I would resolve to stay cool-headed, non-reactive, and not give this any more attention than it needs to carry out your “do” list.

      Certainly what we resist, persists so I would be careful about actions that escalate. I find it’s generally best to focus on what you are being, than what others are being.

      If you use our contact form to give us as much detail as possible, we may be able to add more suggestions.

      All the best,


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